Thursday, March 15, 2012
Two Negatives Only Equal a Positive in Math
In my quest for emotional health and stability, I've been doing a lot of reading up on the subject of happiness.
And with all that reading and pondering about happiness, I've become keenly aware of just how much unhappiness and negativity surrounds me.
It's everywhere.
From the co-worker who ALWAYS answers the question "How are you?" with a grumpy and half-hearted "Well, I'm here..." to the friend who ceaselessly complains about her husband and children and all the messes and noise they bring into her life.
All day at work I listen to students complaining about teachers and classes and not being able to get into classes and not liking this tutor or that study room. Co-workers complain about job assignments or supervisors or each other. Teachers complain about students and schedules and the distance from the parking lot to the building.
In my non-work life, I hear friends and acquaintances complaining about spouses and work schedules and financial troubles and housework and people who were mean to them and long lines at the grocery store.
Complaining and negativity are EVERYWHERE.
I've been sucked into it for so long that I almost completely stopped noticing it. In fact, for far too long, I've been a big part of it.
I have a colleague in another department on my campus. We used to work in the same building until her job changed. We were friends. We talked every day. Went out to lunch together several times a week. In fact, we even once took a trip together.
When she still worked across the hall, we talked frequently throughout the day. There was a whole lot of mutual venting because we were both in the middle of very separate but equally frustrating situations.
(Situations that are, for the most part, resolved now. Thankfully.)
The more fired up I got, the more this friend assured me of how justified I was in feeling that way. Adding bits of information she had gathered along the way. Sharing what she'd heard from others. Pouring all kinds of fuel on those growing flames of anger and bitterness.
A few months ago, she was transferred to another department in another building and I started seeing her far less frequently. And then, almost never. I didn't realize what was happening at first. It started with vague plans to "go to lunch sometime next week" only next week never happened. Some time had passed before we were in a meeting together and I realized that she refused to look at me, even when I asked her a direct question. She didn't greet me or acknowledge me any more than she absolutely had to. From that point on, I made note of similar behavior every time we were in the same room. Paid attention to the unreplied emails and unreturned phone calls. It was clear that she no longer considered me a friend.
I don't know what happened. I probably never will.
When I first figured out that things had changed, my feelings were hurt. I didn't know what I'd done wrong, but it must surely have been me because everything was always my fault.
(I'm getting over that kind of thinking.)
But in the past couple of months, I've discovered that she did me a tremendous favor. My attitude toward my job improved. Conversations with my boss got better. My daily mood was lifted. Instead of focusing on the negative all day long and being stirred up to anger again and again, I started pushing those things to the side and deciding not to care about them.
I decided to apply that to other areas of my life, too. I'm avoiding negative people. Refusing to respond to negativity and complaints on Facebook. Not allowing myself to be drawn into conversations that are sure to get me riled up for no good reason. I'm focusing on the positive relationships in my life. Drawing closer to happy people that help me keep my attitude in check and help me see the good side of things.
And I think it's working.
You are awesome. And if you share this post, you'll be even awesomer!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Open Book
(Honestly, I wish more people were like that...)
I suspect this tendency to keep things to ourselves stemmed more from a sense of shame, however, than from an awareness that most people don't actually care to know what's wrong, no matter how politely they may ask, "How are you?"
And while there are a great many--
(Okay, fine, one or two.)
--things I choose to keep to myself, there are some topics where I just flat refuse to be ashamed or to keep quiet. I've always been much more of an open book than some of my relatives.
Back in January, I started seeing a therapist to work through some fairly serious depression. A lot of people don't like to talk about the fact that they're in therapy or that they're depressed. Because there is still a great deal of stigma attached to both.
But when I made the decision to finally start taking care of myself, I also decided to be open and honest about it. Because I will not be ashamed that I'm getting treatment for something that a heck of a lot of people are dealing with.
No, I don't plan to share all the things I talk to my therapist about, because if I did then what would I be paying him for?
I've just read so many blogs and talked to so many people who have been down the same road I'm currently traveling and it made me want to scream. Because so many of us have felt desperately alone and we AREN'T. And if more of us were talking openly about it, then maybe depression wouldn't be so stigmatized and more people would get help sooner and get healthy sooner.
I know depression isn't a disease like polio that can be eradicated with the right amount of money and research. But it can be managed and treated and the days and months and years that some of us have lost in its grip can be snatched back. We can be productive and healthy and happy.
I suffer from depression. I'm seeing a therapist. I'm currently taking medication. Though I wish none of these things were true, I will not hide. I will not pretend. Because I am not ashamed.
You are awesome. And if you share this post, you'll be even awesomer!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Monday Came Early This Week
My brain is still a little out of it with the Daylight Saving Time change.
But I seriously LOVE changing to Daylight Saving Time.
(Yes, I'm well aware that I'm in the minority.)
Anyway, that's my excuse for getting this post up late today. And besides, according to my clock, it's still early...
So, this week I'm taking on the task of selecting a photograph to be printed on canvas. It's tougher than it sounds. There are some really great pictures I'd love to print. I don't know how I'll ever decide.
Easy Canvas Prints has weekly sweepstakes, and this week they're giving away a free 8X10 canvas to everyone who enters. You just have to pay for shipping. Sounds like a great deal to me! You can click here to check out the link through facebook.
And no, this post isn't being sponsored by Easy Canvas Prints. I just think it's an awesome giveaway and thought I'd share it with you. Especially since I'm using this to cross off one of my goals.
So what have you been up to this week? Link up your Project 52 updates and share!
You are awesome. And if you share this post, you'll be even awesomer!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Twitterpated
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| Covenant, 2012 |
I can say that because I know her. In real life and everything.
Which is why I jumped at the chance when she asked if I'd like to review her latest book.
And then I was immediately nervous.
What if I don't love this book?
What if she hates my review?
What if I write something less than awesome and then she never wants to hang out with me again??
Of course, like so many of my anxiety issues, this one turned out to be completely unfounded.
(Well, I guess we'll see how she feels about my review after she reads it. But I'm hoping she finds this tolerable, at least.)
I've been waiting for TWITTERPATED for a long time. Because it was actually the first novel Melanie finished. But it's the third to be published.
And I'll just go ahead and tell you it was worth the wait.
The plot is pretty simple. Jessie is a hard-working accountant at a big company in Seattle that has her priorities all out of whack. Thanks to the meddling of her well-meaning roommate, Jessie meets Ben, a super cute computer geek with his own business. They first meet online, but the relationship quickly moves to the real world where adorableness and hilarity and the necessary amount of drama ensue.
What I love about Melanie's novels is that she has such a talent for creating likable characters that aren't perfect. They have their flaws, of course. But that's what makes them real. Identifiable. Characters that are easy to cheer for.
In TWITTERPATED, Jessie is a workaholic that constantly finds herself putting in long hours and bringing home stacks of work on the weekends. Ben, having previously been in a relationship with someone who was married to her job, has a hard time dealing with Jessie's level of commitment to the company. As the story unfolds, the right solution is glaringly obvious, but the characters stay so true to themselves that you can't help but understand both sides.
Like her previous books, THE LIST and NOT MY TYPE, this latest is funny and quirky and comes complete with an ending that will make you sigh with happiness. And though her novels are targeted for the LDS market, the fact that the characters are Mormons is just as much a fact as their eye color or their favorite movies. A passing knowledge of the LDS church might be helpful, but you don't have to be a member to be thoroughly swept up in this delightful story.
So if your book club has been taxing your brain with selections like Madame Bovary or Jane Eyre or A Prayer for Owen Meany, give yourself a break. Pick up TWITTERPATED and prepare to enjoy a light-hearted, happy story that will leave you feeling like all is right in the world.
TWITTERPATED is available at Deseret Book, Seagull, Ensign, Amazon and Barnes and Noble online. It's probably available in other places, too. So, really, you have no excuses.
You are awesome. And if you share this post, you'll be even awesomer!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Party of One
I had just broken up with a boyfriend, moved to a brand new state away from nearly all my friends and family, missed resuming my college education, and had a job I hated with every bit of my soul.
(That job was so bad, I hoped every single morning to get into a car accident so I wouldn't have to go.)
(In my defense, it was telemarketing and I don't know too many people who've ever worked in telemarketing that didn't hope for some kind of accident at one point or another.)
It was the first time I ever had an inkling that I might be the next warrior in my family's historic battle with depression.
One particularly lousy Tuesday, I broke down. I withdrew from all of my co-workers, burst into weepy sobs, avoided making calls. It was a terrible, terrible day.
My supervisor pulled me aside, enough worry and concern to fill the world etched into the lines of her face. "Go home," she told me in the kindest way she could. "Come back when you feel better. When you feel more like yourself again."
I went home and stayed away for two days.
The movie theater at the local mall was showing a film I'd been dying to see for weeks. None of my new, local friends were interested in seeing it, or already had, and I resigned myself to waiting for it to hit the local Hollywood Video.
Except that I really wanted to see this movie. And plenty of people went to the movies by themselves, right? And there was no reason why I couldn't go to the movies by myself. I was a 23-year-old woman who had lived in a foreign country, for goodness sake.
(Yes, it was Canada, but still. It's foreign. Trust me.)
After several hours of psyching myself up, I went to the movie by myself. I got my own popcorn. I sat where I wanted. No one tried to talk to me in the middle of the film. And when it was over, I could sit there and listen to the music while the credits rolled without anyone trying to hurry me out the door.
It was heaven.
The movie was Cast Away, and the appropriateness of that choice at that moment in that particular time of my life is not lost on me. In so many ways, I felt like a castaway, trying desperately to find my way back to things that were familiar. To a world that made sense.
Life improved, as it often does. I eventually found another job that led to another job. New friends wandered into my life and I got back to school.
And yet, I've always felt a little bit like Tom Hanks at the very end of Cast Away. He gets rescued and goes back to what's left of his life, of course. But at the very, very end, he's all alone. The film leaves off on a hopeful note. A beautiful moment full of possibility. But what I ultimately took away from that scene was that he was alone. Making his own choices. Going down his own road. Living his life for himself and no one else.
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| Cast Away, Dreamworks, 2000 |
I'm not entirely sure what that even means or what it looks like. But I'm trying.
One way I've been working on this is by learning how to be completely comfortable and totally okay with doing things alone.
It started with Cast Away. And now, I love seeing movies alone. Sometimes I even prefer it. Of course, you always miss out on having someone to talk to immediately afterward and break down what you've just watched. But I love the freedom that comes with going to any movie I want at any time I want and sitting wherever I want.
I've been to restaurants alone. This isn't as much fun, but sometimes it's necessary. I learned the importance of this once on a business trip in Calgary. My co-worker went out for the night with one of the clients we were there to meet. I sat alone in the hotel all night, afraid to go out into an unfamiliar city by myself. Yes, that sprawling and dangerous metropolis of Calgary, Alberta. After that, I vowed never to make that mistake again.
I lived alone for a blissful year and a half where I only had visitors when I wanted to and the dirty dishes in the sink were ALWAYS mine.
Two summers ago, I did something absolutely terrifying. I traveled alone to a foreign country where I don't speak the language. Actually, I managed to navigate through three countries and three customs offices on my own without speaking the language. Yes, there were people meeting me on the other side, but getting myself on a plane in Los Angeles and finding myself all the way down in Asunción, Paraguay with very little help was a major accomplishment. And conquered a major fear. Ever since that trip, I've had a burning desire to spend an entire vacation by myself. I just haven't done it yet.
In the film, Up in the Air (which I saw alone), George Clooney utters the line, "Life's better with company."
And it is.
But I'm determined to make it pretty darned good, even when I have no other companion than my own thoughts.
Sometimes it's easy. Other times, not so much. But I'm getting better at it with practice.
You are awesome. And if you share this post, you'll be even awesomer!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Life's a Happy Song
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| Image found here. |
(SUCH a novel idea, I know!)
Anyway, we've been working through changing my thoughts and overall mindset in order to feel generally happier and better.
One of the ways I'm trying to do this is to listen to more upbeat, positive, happy music.
So I made a playlist on my iPod of some of my favorite happy songs.
Songs like:
"Captain Crash and the Beauty Queen from Mars," by Bon Jovi
"Friday I'm in Love," by The Cure
"Hey, Soul Sister," by Train
"Jump (For My Love)," by The Pointer Sisters
"Twist and Shout," by The Beatles
"Life's a Happy Song," from the Muppets Soundtrack
"Daydream Believer," by The Monkees
"Don't Rain on My Parade," from Funny Girl
"Tubthumping," by Chumbawamba
"The Shoop Shoop Song," by Cher
That's not a complete list, but you get the idea.
I have to say, I was a little bit skeptical. I've always pretty much listened to the music that matched my mood, rather than trying to match my mood to the music. But honestly, this new strategy has been working fairly well.
I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm suddenly happy now and in the best spirits ever. But the irritable grumpiness has noticeably faded. Which is a start.
The thing is, my playlist is WAY too short.
Which is where YOU come in. Because I gotta ask.
What are some of your happy songs? What should I add to my playlist? What songs and/or singers lift you up when you're feeling down? And, most importantly, are they available on iTunes?
You are awesome. And if you share this post, you'll be even awesomer!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Getting Back on Track
I haven't finished anything recently, but I'm definitely working on it.
Back in January, I lamented the difficulty of giving up soda. Well, when I started having all that trouble sleeping, I kicked the caffeine habit. And the non-caffeinated types of soda just aren't as much fun.
(Only because California is lame and doesn't sell caffeine-free Dr. Pepper. Can we get with the program, please?)
Anyway, kicking the soda habit hasn't been absolute. But it's gotten a LOT better. And I'm now 20% done with #2.
My goal for seeing ten Angels games is in the beginning stages, too, since tickets went on sale this weekend. Now I'm just working on trying to decide which games I want to see. Which is hard because the correct answer, obviously, is ALL THE GAMES. It's just too bad my bank account disagrees so vehemently.
My dad and I have the very most tentative of plans to go to the Reagan Library "soon." It's on our radars, so I know we'll make it happen.
I got reacquainted with Netflix a week or two ago after months of paying for movies I wasn't watching. So silly.
And I've now been to Disneyland 5 times.
Things are coming right along. And when you factor in the three goals that are already done and finished, I'm pretty pleased with where I'm at right now, going into March.
I know I've said this a zillion times, but planning is a vital step in making Project 52 work for you. If you feel like you haven't gotten anywhere yet or like you're already behind, take some time to sit down and look at your list. Make some plans. Set some dates. Do a little research. Get going. Finishing just one goal this week will help you feel like you are right back on track.
Trust me.
If you've got something to share, please link up below. We'd all love to hear about it.
You are awesome. And if you share this post, you'll be even awesomer!
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