Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Road Rage Letters to My Fellow Commuters
Thank you so much for leaving a dent the size of a quarter in my rear passenger door. My car is 12-years-old and hasn't really started to show its age yet. What it needed was a good dent, maybe a big scratch. I thought about adding some rust, but then it will just look like it belongs in the Inland Empire. So thank you for helping my car to look more its age.
Oh, and thank you for looking directly at me and pretending that you hadn't done anything wrong. It's nice to know that even when people don't accept responsibility for things, they are still perfectly aware that they have done them.
Sincerely,
The driver of the 1997 Toyota Avalon who thinks it would be such a shame if you wrecked your brand new Prius
******
Dear Owner-of-the-black-van-who-tried-to-run-me-off-the-road-this-morning,
I'm normally not one to suggest it, but I think someone seriously needs to consider drinking coffee in the morning before getting behind the wheel of a big 15-passenger van and attempting to merge into traffic while not paying attention to the fact that your lane is ending. You most likely passed 3 Starbucks and 12 McDonald's on your way to the freeway. Try stopping there. You don't have to get coffee, but at least find another flow of traffic.
Much love,
The woman you almost sideswiped this morning while merging from the 55 to the 91
******
Dear Equipment-laden-work-truck-driving-in-the-fast-lane,
The GAS is on the RIGHT.
All the best,
Lead Foot
******
Dear Neighbor-who-can't-seem-to-figure-out-his-car-alarm,
Step 1: Press the little button on the keychain in your hand.
Step 2: Open the car door.
Failure to follow this precise order will result in seriously ticking off your neighbors. Especially at 3am.
If it's really that hard to remember, try getting some new pants. That way you can concentrate on getting into your car quietly, without being distracted by trying not to show off the entire length of your boxer shorts.
Just a thought!
From,
A neighbor who knows a guy that can make cars disappear. Just sayin'.
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"You know what they say. If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me."
~Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias