Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Tuesday Morning Marriage Counselor
But by the time 8:00 rolled around, I had to watch. I had to see it happen.
The Jon and Kate divorce didn't come out of nowhere. People have been waiting for this train wreck for months. Maybe even for years. Long before the allegations of infidelity started screaming across the pages of the tabloids, America was watching Kate belittle and degrade her husband.
And we watched Jon just sit there and take it.
Everyone wants to take sides. To blame one or the other for the destruction of this marriage. To blame Kate for the way she ordered Jon around as if he was one of the kids. To blame Jon for not standing up for himself.
I blame them both.
Jon said it himself when asked what went wrong. "Communication." In last night's one-hour episode, the Gosselin family got new playhouses. They have known for months that these playhouses were coming, because the kids got to pick out designs and color schemes and Jon cleared a place in the woods on their property. When the blessed day arrived, Kate instantly told Jon that the houses weren't going where he wanted them. She had her reasons. They were even valid reasons. But instead of sitting down and discussing the situation, she went behind his back and told the foreman where to put the houses. It was the foreman that pulled Kate and Jon together, explained the reasons for moving the playhouses closer to the main house, and convinced Jon to change the plan. When it was explained that way Jon shrugged his shoulders, proclaimed that he had cleared a great campsite in the woods, and dropped the subject. Kate said the resolution came because she wasn't part of the conversation. From my living room, I saw that the problem came because there was no conversation until an outsider stepped in.
Everyone says that communication is the key. While I've never been married and have no idea if I ever will, I've been in plenty of relationships, both romantic and plutonic. I've also known a whole lot of married people, and I've known some that have been divorced. In every single case where any relationship has fallen apart (except in cases of abuse, etc), it has always been because the two sides don't sit down and talk about the issues. They don't discuss their points of view and share their feelings.
It is a rare marriage that can succeed when two people don't talk to each other.
Especially when they are perfectly comfortable talking to cameras instead.
Even after all the things that have happened, after all the hurt and anger and the fighting, I see in Jon and Kate a couple that has NOT done everything they can to save their marriage. Because the cameras are still turned on. She's written books and does speaking engagements. He is perfectly capable of finding gainful employment. They don't need the show. They want the show. And if they could just get past their own selfishness for a minute, they would see that they are not doing what's best for their kids. Because I'm sure they benefited from enormous ratings last night.
This is the only post I will ever write about Jon and Kate Gosselin. I'm through with the show, I'm through with them, and I really hope that there is some miracle that helps the kids turn out okay. Because I will never forget the day my parents sat me down and told me they were getting a divorce. You never get over that. Ever. It had a direct impact on the person I am today and where I am in my life. While I can sit here and look at everything that happened and say that it really was all for the best, I'll never really know for sure how much better my life might have been if I had been raised by two parents who respected each other.
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I have never watched a full episode, until last night. We were all gathered around the TV at work!
ReplyDeleteAnd they have not tried everything to save their marriage. I don't think Jon wants to.
I was sympathetic towards him, until last night. He looked like an ass.
I have never watched the show, but read about the drama on some of the celebrity blogs. It seems like such a sad situation, for the kids especially.
ReplyDeleteI think it's just sad. I've been determined not to take sides or point fingers because I think judging comes back to bite those who judge in the butt. I'm married and I don't want it coming back to me for judging them. I just think it's sad to see a marriage end and even sadder for the children.
ReplyDeleteNever saw the show or had any interest in it. People.com posted about the divorce filing earilier in the day before the show even aired, but everyone saw it coming a mile away it seems anyway.
ReplyDeleteTrue. True. True. Communication and respect is key. You can't always be right and bump heads 24/7, plus you have to pick and choose your arguments. People bicker over little stuff loads of times.
I don't watch the show, either, and therefore have no vested interest in either party. The divorce "announcement" was far from being news. Magazines and TV have been talking about their split for a long time now. I agree that maybe ending the show would have been a step in the right direction. But...maybe the split is better off.
ReplyDeleteMy parents had a lot of marital problems throughout my life. As a family, we all went through some very ugly times. My dad moved out twice. I know of infidelities. He could be very cruel. But they stayed married. If Dad were still alive, he and Mom would be coming up on their 39th wedding anniversary next month. I sometimes wonder if it would have been better if they'd divorced, rather than have our home in a state of turmoil all the time. Much like you, I wonder how much different I would be (and if Crazy Sister would be as crazy) had my parents been more respectful of themselves and each other.
My comments on your blog lately are so serious! I feel like I should insert a fart joke or something to lighten the mood.
I have never watched the show, but I have heard all about it. Who hasn't? I am in total agreement with you about the communication thing. I am married, and it takes a lot of talking to each other to make it work. My parents are also divorced. Not only is it hard on the kids when they are young but also when they are grown. Wouldn't you agree?
ReplyDeleteCommunication is ABSOLUTELY key. I especially know this, being married to a very introverted man...it's like pulling teeth to get him to talk to me at times! But I do! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I hear you about divorce. I swear my parents' divorce when I was 28 affected me just as much as my own divorce.
I almost watched the show, but then decided to google the spoiler. I just knew they were getting a divorce, but I was a little surprised the show is going to continue...and I'll continue to not watch!
ReplyDeleteit's true. i watched it too. i felt kinda bad for kate though in the end. jon seemed like he really didnt even care.
ReplyDeletepoor kids, one day they're gonna look back and be like....my parents split up on TV and everyone watched. thanks guys.
I've only watched if I happened to catch it on. It's hard not to get sucked in. I did watch last night. I couldn't help myself. I agree with Kristina. Jon came out looking like the ass. She has always belittled him. She said she was trying to do better. I have no idea if that's the truth or not. Regardless, it looks like he does not want to try at all. He realized America thought he was a pansy so he's finally getting some balls. Too little too late I say. He should have thought about all of this a long time ago. Going out and partying now will only make him look like a douche.
ReplyDeleteMy two cents... :)
I watched on the commercial breaks of The Bachelorette. I've tried to watch the show before but I couldn't stand Kate for 5 minutes. I was only shocked that Jon hasn't done something like this sooner. However, when you have 8 children, they do come first- as they kept saying over and over again. Jon really lost all my respect when he said he was "excited". It's not exciting to stomp on the hearts of those closest to you. But they really must only care about the $75,000 paycheck pr. episode to continue the show.
ReplyDeleteI've never watched the show, but I will say this...If they were really as dysfunctional and awful to each other as it sounds, then I think it is far better for them to split up than to stay married. The constant fighting/tension/cheating/name calling would be way more damaging than staying together "for the sake of the kids". Especially since neither one is interested in really trying to make it work as a couple.
ReplyDeleteI'll also say this...marriage is hard work, and it only gets harder after kids come along. Its tough enough without cameras and the whole world documenting everything.
Oh Ms.Karen. I want to reach through the monitor and give you a big hug.
ReplyDeleteI've watched maybe two quarter episodes in the past. And that was all, because I couldn't stand watching people treat each other that way.
ReplyDeleteIt is absolutely true that when people stop being able to talk to each other things fall apart. I think communication is a sign of respect, which is a critically important thing in a relationship. You can love someone and still not respect them, and that isn't a healthy relationship either.
Thank you, everyone, for your comments and insight. I normally try to respond to them all personally, but you all had such great things to say and I just don't have anything more to add!
ReplyDeletestopping by from SITS. i started watching the show in the beginning.....and loved it. but you are correct....WOW it got to be a bit much!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteand yes communication......we all need it in every relationship we have....kids, friends, family, and co-workers....and on and on!!!!!
great post!!!!!
I am not going to read any of the comments for a couple of reasons. One, I don't watch the show..and two, I don't want to be influenced. Please don't throw tomatoes at me. LOL
ReplyDeleteMy only opinion is that it saddens me that they are choosing to stay "on the air". If their children/marriage was worth more than ratings.....they would have said, contractually bound or not, we need to fix or at least do whatever it takes to try to fix our marriage...... in private. Who gives a flip about money and TV contracts (I'd rather be sued and keep my marriage and family together)...I dunno.....it just doesn't sit right with me.
but what do I know? I don't even watch the show. ;)
I agree with you...it's incredibly sad and heartbreaking when kids see their parents get divorced.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing worse than that is a kid who sees his parents respect each other but not themselves...parents who choose to live miserable lives with someone they really don't want to be married to. Can you imagine the guilt a kid feels about his own existence when he figures THAT one out?
Would you have rather been raised by two parents who didn't WANT to be married to each other?