Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Confession Wednesday: Resolutions
New Year's Resolutions.
Some of us make them. Some of us don't.
How'd you do on your 2009 Resolutions? Or what's one you made and kept? Or which one do you make EVERY year and you just know that THIS is the year you will FINALLY do it?
I used to make lists of resolutions that I would call goals. Some years there were a lot of them. Other years, not so many. It became a tradition on New Year's Eve to read through my journal from the whole year and then write a bit of a summary of how I felt the year went, as well as a summation of which goals I had accomplished and which I hadn't. I spent a lot of time justifying that "I didn't really mean that" or "This was a lot more involved than I realized" or "Halfway is pretty good."
For 2009, I made just one goal: to be more honest.
Now, I never considered myself to be a LIAR, exactly. I mean, in my adult life I wasn't normally going around constructing big, elaborate stories about My Dad the Astronaut or anything.
But how do you respond when your friend is in LOVE with a skirt and she asks you how it looks.
("Tell me HONESTLY.")
And what do you say to your boss when you really want a day off work so you can go see a movie with your friend and her two daughters and you know work is going to be slow enough that you won't be missed, but you can't exactly SAY you're taking a mental health day to go to the movies.
(Come on. It was Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.)
Or how about when your boyfriend that you haven't talked to in over a week suddenly changes his Facebook status to "single" and you happen to see it and realize you've just been dumped in the middle of the workday after fourteen months, ten of which were blissful, and then someone comes up and asks how you're doing.
("F-f-f-f-fine.")
I realized, about a year ago, that I have a lot of moments where it's just easier to fib a little bit. No big deal, right? It's not like it hurts anyone. I mean, how often is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth REALLY necessary, anyway?
I made a decision. Even on the little things, I was always going to either be completely honest, or just not say anything at all.
I learned something fascinating. I used to tell a heck of a lot of little white lies. Things I didn't even realize. That can't be good, can it?
As I made this realization, I became more determined to tell the truth, no matter what.
-"Quite frankly, my friend, that skirt is cute, but I just don't think that color's right for you."
-"Boss Man, I just really need a day off. It's my time and you don't need to know how I'm using it."
-"I'm having a terrible now and I'm not going to be able to help you because I need to leave RIGHT NOW."
And you know what? Telling the truth works.
Weird, right?
As a woman, I've always heard that it's okay for us to fib a little to spare each other's feelings, or to suppress our own because no one REALLY means it when they ask "how are you".
That's a lie!
When someone asks your opinion, it's because they actually want to know.
(Usually. Not always.)
Most of the time, though, it's not in WHAT we say, but in HOW we say it. You can tell your friend that dress isn't flattering without telling her, "Your butt looks like two pigs fighting under a blanket."
It's good to be honest. It's LIBERATING to be honest.
Someone very close to me tends to come up with stories whenever she needs a day off work. She has a limited amount of personal time and has to be careful with how she uses it. So, instead of asking for a Friday off to have a three-day weekend with her husband, she'll come up with a story about needing to go up and see her mother-in-law, who suffered a bad fall and needs help around the house.
Her poor mother-in-law has been through a LOT. She's running out of possible ailments. Poor woman.
It's so much easier to say, "I've earned 8 hours off, and I'm taking them."
At least I won't have to try to remember how many times my mom has broken that ankle.
And now it's your turn. What are your thoughts on Resolutions? Do you make them? Do you keep them? Do you think they're pointless?
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"You know what they say. If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me."
~Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias