New Year's Resolutions.
Some of us make them. Some of us don't.
How'd you do on your 2009 Resolutions? Or what's one you made and kept? Or which one do you make EVERY year and you just know that THIS is the year you will FINALLY do it?
I used to make lists of resolutions that I would call goals. Some years there were a lot of them. Other years, not so many. It became a tradition on New Year's Eve to read through my journal from the whole year and then write a bit of a summary of how I felt the year went, as well as a summation of which goals I had accomplished and which I hadn't. I spent a lot of time justifying that "I didn't really mean that" or "This was a lot more involved than I realized" or "Halfway is pretty good."
For 2009, I made just one goal: to be more honest.
Now, I never considered myself to be a LIAR, exactly. I mean, in my adult life I wasn't normally going around constructing big, elaborate stories about My Dad the Astronaut or anything.
But how do you respond when your friend is in LOVE with a skirt and she asks you how it looks.
("Tell me HONESTLY.")
And what do you say to your boss when you really want a day off work so you can go see a movie with your friend and her two daughters and you know work is going to be slow enough that you won't be missed, but you can't exactly SAY you're taking a mental health day to go to the movies.
(Come on. It was Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.)
Or how about when your boyfriend that you haven't talked to in over a week suddenly changes his Facebook status to "single" and you happen to see it and realize you've just been dumped in the middle of the workday after fourteen months, ten of which were blissful, and then someone comes up and asks how you're doing.
("F-f-f-f-fine.")
I realized, about a year ago, that I have a lot of moments where it's just easier to fib a little bit. No big deal, right? It's not like it hurts anyone. I mean, how often is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth REALLY necessary, anyway?
I made a decision. Even on the little things, I was always going to either be completely honest, or just not say anything at all.
I learned something fascinating. I used to tell a heck of a lot of little white lies. Things I didn't even realize. That can't be good, can it?
As I made this realization, I became more determined to tell the truth, no matter what.
-"Quite frankly, my friend, that skirt is cute, but I just don't think that color's right for you."
-"Boss Man, I just really need a day off. It's my time and you don't need to know how I'm using it."
-"I'm having a terrible now and I'm not going to be able to help you because I need to leave RIGHT NOW."
And you know what? Telling the truth works.
Weird, right?
As a woman, I've always heard that it's okay for us to fib a little to spare each other's feelings, or to suppress our own because no one REALLY means it when they ask "how are you".
That's a lie!
When someone asks your opinion, it's because they actually want to know.
(Usually. Not always.)
Most of the time, though, it's not in WHAT we say, but in HOW we say it. You can tell your friend that dress isn't flattering without telling her, "Your butt looks like two pigs fighting under a blanket."
It's good to be honest. It's LIBERATING to be honest.
Someone very close to me tends to come up with stories whenever she needs a day off work. She has a limited amount of personal time and has to be careful with how she uses it. So, instead of asking for a Friday off to have a three-day weekend with her husband, she'll come up with a story about needing to go up and see her mother-in-law, who suffered a bad fall and needs help around the house.
Her poor mother-in-law has been through a LOT. She's running out of possible ailments. Poor woman.
It's so much easier to say, "I've earned 8 hours off, and I'm taking them."
At least I won't have to try to remember how many times my mom has broken that ankle.
And now it's your turn. What are your thoughts on Resolutions? Do you make them? Do you keep them? Do you think they're pointless?
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19 comments:
I like resolutions. I make them, and I keep them, at least for a while. I'm still thinking about what I'll do this year. Sadly, consistently brushing Logan's teeth twice a day is at the top of the list for sure!
I usually make them, but then I usually don't keep them. Maybe my resolution this year will be to keep all the resolutions I made last year and forgot about. :) Good luck with your honesty resolution. I find you pretty honest already, Karen.
Hello Karen,
It's so nice to meet you! I really appreciate your kind visit to my blog. You are always welome anytime.
Many Blessings & Happy New Year!
~Warmly, Melissa :)
Have you had any bad experiences with being completely honest? I try to be honest too, tactful, yet honest. It does usually work.
I made a blog post for mine yesterday- I tried to focus on tangible physical things I can check off a list as I accomplish them- I neeed that right now.
I kept all of my resolutions this year! I was super excited to know that I did almost everything on my list!
I'm really not a resolutions kind of gal. Because I don't think I need a change of year to improve myself. I'm in this constant state of trying to be better and do better and be proud of myself and content with myself along the way.
As for honesty... as a reformed liar, honesty is very definitely the best policy.
I reread my resolutions from last year, and they are pretty much the same thing this year. Sad.
I like the idea of being more honest. There are times when I realize I told a white lie, and don't realize why I even did it. It's a mindset that is easy to fall in. What a great goal.
Yes...I make a resolution every year...the same *#@% one. It has to do with that stupid number on the scale. HONESTLY, it will be my same resolution this year, too. I have, much to my delight, found an exercise program I love and I will stick with that!(YAY for water aerobics!)Wish me luck!
I'm not one to make resolutions, but I do like the idea of being honest. It's interesting to hear that the little white lies aren't necessary. Something to think about. Also, being a newer reader here I didn't know the story about your breakup. You had alluded to a bad breakup, but I didn't know the details. What a terrible way to find out that a 14 month relationship was over. That was a very cowardly and immature thing to do. I can only imagine how painful that was for you. I wish you peace and happiness in the New Year.
Great post Karen! I can relate...I have been guilty of the same thing...telling those little white lies. I don't really make resolutions for New Year's, but I have things I want to work on during the year, like the white lies :-)
Happy new Year!!!
I think I got the honest thing down most days and with most people...but what I haven't figured out how to do is to not be so blunt. However, I am also a really great liar, even though I lie about my lying skills and say that I am a terrible liar.....
Kudos to you for being more honest with others, because that always means you are being more honest with yourself!
Happy New Year Miss Karen!
Thanks for visiting my little corner via SITS!
I think making one good goal like you have is a FAB idea for a new years resolution... and striving to be more honest is an admirable goal. Best wishes to you!!
I linked up with you today! Cheers!
I'm a no resolutions person. However, I may need to go with the one word or one goal resolution.
I don't make actual resolutions. I like the idea of making a goal or two to work on, but there's so much pressure surrounding resolutions.
For many years I have resolved to lose weight, which obviously means I haven't DONE it. Ugh. I guess I'm basically resolving the same thing this year, but I'm going about it a little differently, in trying to make the changes in my life that will make me happy and healthy.
I don't usually make them formally. More like, "hmmm, getting chubby...probably should lay off the chips" sort of thing. But I never stick to it!
I kept my resolution!!!! It was:
Do not make any resolutions.
I feel so proud.
I am also the same person who does something and THEN puts it on my to-do list just to check it off!
Accomplishments are good.
I don't call them resolutions either b/c they always fail for me. I make a "goal" list and like the girl next door grows up said....I check off what I do throughout the year. It's my "bucket list". I have been doing this for over 10 years now and it really works. This way life doesn't pass me by with the "shoulda, coulda wouldas"
Happy New Year!
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