But then it hit me. The one thing I can't STAND. The one thing that happens EVERY Christmas and that is just absolutely TACKY.
The gooey Christmas Letter.
Okay, let me start off by saying I am NOT opposed to Christmas letters in general. I actually really like reading about what's been happening in the lives of my friends. The good and the bad.
No, the letters I absolutely HATE and find incredibly tacky are the ones like my aunt sends every year.
The ones that suggest that life is perfect and everyone had the Best! Year! Ever!
You all know what I'm talking about. You get them, too. You know you do. The ones that go something like this:
Dear Everyone-We-Know-and-Love,
It's hard to believe another year has just flown by. Where does the time go? Little Billy hit a great milestone this year. He learned to read! We had a party for him and his entire 7th grade class. We just couldn't be more proud! And Suzie had her first date over the summer with a lovely young man she met while doing her court-mandated community service. He's a really sweet kid and she has just been such a darling sending weekly letters to him in rehab. The baby is just growing like a weed! He turned 7 last month and he's already the tallest kid in his kindergarten class. I see a future basketball star!
I hope you have all had a wonderful year!
Okay, so as far as I know, neither of my cousins have ever been in rehab, and one of them does have a Master's Degree. I think. But every year we'd get these gooey letters that described every last little accomplishment, and I'm still convinced that half of them were made up.
I don't understand why people feel the need to embellish their Christmas letters. If you really feel so compelled to write one, just tell the world how your year really went:
Dear People-Who-Are-Probably-Just-Going-to-Throw-This-Away-Anyway,So...do you write Christmas letters? Are you honest or do you try to end the year off on a happy note by making it extra gooey??
This year kind of sucked. Got laid off. House was foreclosed and we're living with the in-laws. Little Billy didn't make parole again, which is just as well because I don't know how we'd be able to feed him. Suzie hasn't flunked out of school yet, so that's a good thing. And the baby, well...he's in line to become the first kindergartner with an after school job.
Hope your year was better than ours!
24 comments:
Nope, I don't write them. I can't stand those either. I have a friend who likes to send one out about her single life and all of her trips and accomplishments throughout the year. it's always so weird to read...
I guess the only tacky Christmas tradition I can think of is going to the home of my mother-in-law who is quite anti-holiday spirited. This year I get to do that on Christmas Eve. Fun stuff!
I can barely get my Christmas cards send out on time, let alone manage to include some long letter that people probably don't want to read anyway. My sister gets one from her husbands aunt and uncle that she likes to read aloud to me, apparently they are pretty well-off and their letter is always about all the extravagant trips they go on. My sister's reading is usually accompanied by sarcastic comments and gagging noises.
Those letters are beyond ridiculous. I hate them. But I sure do love to read them and make fun of them!
While I've never written one, I do receive several each year and I totally laugh my ass off every single time! Oh yeah, life is SO perfect...when I know behind the scenes that one of the husband's is filing for divorce and someone's child is failing 10th grade.
I don't send them and I don't receive them... My mom, however, does. She gets one once a year from my Aunt and Uncle and they're BEYOND tacky. One year (I think it was last Christmas) they included a CD of them singing Christmas carols. It was nauseating.
I loathe those letters as well. ugh. A former co-worker would hand them out to all of us....we didn't even know any of the people she was talking about in the letter since it was a family letter! A great-aunt of mine sends them and she makes it sound like she has the perfect family, perfect life, etc. gag.
When I was married, one of his great aunts would send us this long Christmas "newsletter" every year, which was basically a two-paged typed document listing the various illnesses and ailments they'd suffered throughout the year. "In March, John fell and broke his hip. Then in April, my bursitis flared up again." It's probably mean to laugh...but we would read it and chuckle. I know, mean! I just kept thinking, Lord, if I ever get to that age PLEASE let me have more going on in my life than doctor's visits and hospital stays.
Visiting from SITS!
My mom's cousin sends one of these every year and they are filthy rich and take lavish vacations every year. I have hated those letters every year and will never send one!
I refuse to write one - I figure the people I care about should already know what is going on in mu life so why send some lame letter? You crack me up - I loved this post!
Some Christmas letters are ridiculous, but generally speaking I don't see the harm in sending them. I have friends who only keep in touch with me through Christmas cards, so it's nice to hear what they've been up to. As long as it's just a short recap of what they're doing, I think they're fine.
I kind of hate it when people send those photo Christmas cards with a pre-printed message and don't actually write anything on them. I just feel like it's cheating. It's totally impersonal. Sure, maybe I write the same thing on most of mine ("Hope Santa is good to you this year! XOXO!") but at least it's SOMETHING.
I soooo agree! I hate those letters. I truly think the ultimate goal of sending one is to try and make everyone who reads it feel like your life is better than theirs. I love your "real life" version, which is probably closer to the truth for 99% of people!
Ah, the typed family newsletter. It's about the most impersonal possible way to say Your Lives Suck, So Here- Read About How Awesome Ours Is! I usually get those for new years, but they suck no matter when they arrive in the mail.
so funny! I write them! I always feel happy when I write Christmas letters. It's like, no matter how bad things were, there was something happy going on. I can't help but be upbeat in them, even if I'm talking about moving and foreclosures and unemployment.
Very funny
Yeah, not a fan. I do want to write a smartass one, however.
Actually I don't send out Christmas letters, nor do I know anybody who does. Or at least they don't send them to me. But I have now got the urge to mail out Christmas letters instead of cards. Because that would be hilarious to write the TRUTH. :)
Nice post.
Guilty as charged! I've written many of them. Once I quit for a few years and I actually had people ask me when I was going to send them out again. Nowadays, with facebook, I daily keep in touch with everyone on my Christmas card list. So, I'm now thinking about not even sending our Christmas cards anymore, let alone the yearly letter. Ü
I love your fake Christmas letters. Very funny! I actually enjoy getting letters from my friends that live far away. Though they are all just regular letters and not bragging at all. But, there is one we get every year that makes my husband and I laugh out loud. It is just so ridiculously sappy and gag worthy. I have noticed that we get fewer letters now than we did in the past. I think they are getting less popular.
My mom always sends out Christmas letters and she tries to make every thing that went bad into a comedy. It doesn't really work, but she tries.
I think she's got tired about using the line about how all her kids are still single because that subject didn't make the cut this year. I'm not mad.
No I'm not a Christmas letter writer! Just isn't what I do. Maybe someday though.
I don't but my sister-in-law does. She writes the letter, then lets her kids (who have a great sense of humor) tweek the letter. When the kids became teenagers, the letters became really bizarre, thankfully, she left a comment at the end to apprise everyone of this. Now we look forward to what they'll say.
I just like the photo christmas cards. I sent mine out yesterday, actually. :)
I used to write letters, when I had young kids to brag about, but they weren't too gooey---I tried to be a bit fun with them...go figure.
I don't do anything now----I figure that people can read my blog if they need to read whats happening in my life!
OK. . . I too hate the syrupy sweet Christmas letter. One year I decided to write the anti-Christmas letter. I wrote about how my son had flushed things down our toilet and stopped it up until we had 3 plumbers advise us to buy a new one. I also wrote about how he had also dyed his little 2 1/2 year old penis navy blue with a sharpie marker that he ate. Then he put his hands in his blue mouth and then on his "member." Good times. Hubby read the draft and made me promise not to mail it out. Oh well! I'll just blog about it now. :)
Post a Comment