Monday, January 25, 2010
To Whom It May Concern
You know how your motto is, "It's Your Store"? Well, since it's my store, I would like to institute a policy change, effective immediately.
Just once I would really like to go into the grocery store without being attacked and shaken down for extra change by those church people in the red sweaters that hang around just outside your doors and don't even speak enough English to explain their cause. Can you please start up a Solicitor-Free Day? That way, I can do all my shopping on, say, the first Tuesday of every month. You can still have all the other 29 days and I can duck in and out without having to lie and claim I don't carry change. See? Win-win.
Sincerely,
The Owner, at least, according to your commercials
**********
Dear Lungs,
Please start working right.
I'm seriously considering having you removed out of spite.
Don't think I won't. It's not like you're doing your job anyway.
Yours truly,
Someone who likes to breathe once in awhile
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Dear New Followers,
Thanks so much for joining in the fun! Sorry it's taking me awhile to make the rounds and visit you all. There are only so many hours in a day, you know?
Much love,
A blogger who already spends way too much time on the internet
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Dear Chinese Guy Standing Outside Talking on the Phone,
Dude, it's like almost midnight and I can hear you through my closed window. Seriously. What gives? Are you trying not to wake up your family by going out on the porch and waking the neighborhood?
Go back inside and let the rest of us get our beauty sleep. Some of us need it more than others.
From,
Someone who really should be sleeping instead of blogging anyway, but that's beside the point.
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Dear Conan O'Brien,
I love, love, LOVE that your ratings beat Leno and Letterman combined this week. Just one of those things that made me smile. I always liked you best, even though I rarely could stay up long enough to watch you on Late Night.
Or The Tonight Show, for that matter.
I'll try my best to heed your advice and avoid the cynicism. Even though NBC majorly sucks right now and needs to go down.
(After Chuck and The Office and Community have had nice, long runs, of course. Or get sold to a better, more deserving network.)
You've been so graceful through this whole thing and I will follow you anywhere. Even to that travesty that is Fox. A late-night Conan show on Fox would actually double the number of watchable programs there. I'm hoping to hear good news soon!
Keep it classy,
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Dear Madam;
ReplyDeleteYour blog posts of late have been witty and full of mirth, mirth of which I have had a dearth.
Sincerely,
A dearthless reader now full of mirth.
My favorite was Dear Lungs. I think they should start working quickly. :)
ReplyDeleteYeah I agree with teh Albertsons.. we don't have those here but our Walmart is just as bad.. drives ya batty...
ReplyDeletewish your lungs would work better too praying for ya hun..
I would have opened the window to mr. cell phone and hollered Im sorry I ddin't catch that last part did you say Ni Hao Ki Lang?? Ya didn't I am soooo sorry I need to brush up on my cantonese...
I think your Chinese guy sits in my library when I'm trying to work in the supposedly quiet atmosphere! :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, Conan.
ReplyDeleteI love Chuck. Seriously, I love him!
ReplyDeleteYou are too funny. Sorry about the whole not breathing thing that kind of sucks. BTW, I'm with Coco too. ;)
ReplyDeleteNo Alebrtson's here but that stinks!! Here in the midwest, our beggars and money donation wanters stand in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD or on the corner of very busy intersections. The main county of Indy (Marion) even passed a law to stop the practice. It's crazy! I've seen near disasters many times. I guess the tricky part is that the folks in red sweaters... well, it's their Albertson's too, right? So maybe the answer is to don a red sweater and take up your own collection to fund your trip to Albertson's?
ReplyDeleteI do hope you get healthy soon. Ugh. You're on my list (prayer list, of course).
And I have to add my admiration of Conan, too. He got the major shaft and is handling it very well. But I did love Jimmy Kimmel's thing on Leno...
Ha! I love Conan too!
ReplyDeleteI could not agree with you more about Conan.
ReplyDeleteGreat Blog! Love your wit and personality that comes through in your posts!
ReplyDeleteCome by mine and say hello!
http://www.tictacdough.blogspot.com
~Maryann
Great letters. Although I feel like I've been under a rock for the last little bit, because I'm sorely behind on my Conan news. But at least I can get great updates here. And if Conan does go to Fox, it wil double what we watch there. The other being football.
ReplyDeleteAnd here's to hoping your lungs feel better quickly. Life is no fun without them.
oh no, what's with your lungs? I hope they start working correctly for ya. What is with the chinese guy, seriously. I absolutely hate it when my sleep is messed with.
ReplyDeleteSolicitors in front of store... that drives me bananas!!
ReplyDeleteI really hope that Jay Leno's show is not anything near where NBC expects it to go. I didn't really care for him before, but I definitely don't now.
ReplyDeleteOn the Albertson's thing: Amen!
ReplyDeleteYour poor lungs! I do hope you're feeling better soon!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Maryann. I love you wit and personality. You never cease to make me smile. I hope you get to breathing a little easier very soon. I can relate a little on that as I have been dealing with that a bit for about 6 weeks. Thanks again for making me smile today. On a day where there is no sun to be found outside, I need any reason to smile!
ReplyDeleteI spotted Chinese guy at a restaurant in the booth next to me last week, where I was trying to visit with a friend I hadn't seen in six months.
ReplyDeleteHope your lungs get your letter soon.
One of these days, I'm going to do a post like this. They always make me laugh!
ReplyDeleteOoh, you forgot 30 Rock. It needs to have a nice long run too. :)
ReplyDeleteI LOVED Conan's finale. It was so great.