Monday, March 15, 2010

True Romance

First thing's first. Today is my day at 30POV! Be sure to go over and check it out. Otherwise, they're talking about firings, yo. And in this economy? Getting fired from a non-paying monthly contributorship hurts.

And, if you haven't already entered, don't forget about my Sun Sauce giveaway.
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One of my favorite movies is When Harry Met Sally.

It was on the other night and I was faced with the decision of going to sleep at a reasonable hour or staying up too late to watch it. I hit the sleep timer and eventually drifted to sleep to the sweet sounds of the awkward blind date where Harry and Sally set each other up with their best friends.

(I really must buy the DVD.)

What I love about this particular movie is that it's not your average romantic comedy.

Your standard romantic comedy is about a boy and a girl. They like or hate each other immediately, go through a series of hilarious (or at least mildly humorous) missteps, are torn apart or forced together and usually very quickly fall madly in love and live happily ever after.

In While You Were Sleeping, Lucy has a thing for Peter, a man she's never met, and then falls in love with his brother, Jack, during the week that Peter is in a coma. Misstep, misunderstanding, hilarious bits about cats and shoes, and the two get engaged after literally knowing each other a week.

Bridget Jones spends most of a year hating Mark Darcy until she finds out that everything she ever thought she knew about him is wrong. And then, six weeks later, she is ready to marry him.

Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz switch houses for The Holiday and spend two weeks falling in love with Jack Black and Jude Law respectively.

Never Been Kissed. Sabrina. Only You. My Big Fat Greek Wedding. French Kiss. The Colin Firth storyline in Love Actually.

So many stories of people falling in love within a super short period of time. The obstacles they face are fairly superficial and charming. And totally unrealistic.

In the interest of full disclosure, I own and love every movie I've listed. But let's face it. They aren't reality.

(Which is part of why they are so much fun.)

When Harry Met Sally is different.

When Harry and Sally first meet, they don't like each other. At all. There's this whole conversation about how men and women can never be "just friends." As soon as they arrive in New York, they go their separate ways with no intention of seeing each other ever again.

Five years later, they run into each other, remember why they parted ways, and keep it that way.

Six years after THAT, they run into each other, spend a little time together and then a little more time together. Eleven years after their first meeting, they've both grown, matured, been through divorces and break ups. They're each in a different place in life. And they become friends.

Yes, they end up falling in love and get married only three months after they finally get together, but the point is that they become friends first. After knowing each other (or about each other) for eleven years.

I've met a couple of different guys online and even dated one or two. As in, we met, we started dating, that went on for a few months and then we broke up.

Over the last couple of months, there's been a sudden flurry of interest in my love life. Rather, in the lack thereof. I am NOT complaining. And I have NO problem with blind dates. I figure if I end up on a really horrible one, it'll just be a great story to share with you. So really, it's win-win.

Internet dating, blind dating, meeting someone and going out with them. It's all good. It's all great, even.

I've always preferred the idea of being friends first. I know girls are supposed to grow up swooning at the notion of love at first sight. I've never believed in that. To me, the true magic is when two friends suddenly realize they are in love with each other. I've seen it happen to people I know and adore. And that's the ultimate love story.

But, since I don't really have any single guy friends right now, I'll just keep going on those blind dates. Who knows? One of them just might surprise me.

What do you think: Love at first sight? Or friends first?

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Posted by Karen Peterson
This post is: 
at 12:00 AM
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17 comments:

  1. I'm here to tell you that it can definitely happen online! I have found the love of my life. No joke!
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  2. great post again Karen!

    well, I always felt much more comfortable at being friends first, but usually I had a crush on the guy....I sucked at dating. It was excruciatingly awkward for me because I was so shy around guys.

    My husband says that he fell in love me when he first saw me. We worked together for a year before going out though.

    I guess my answer is either? :-)
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  3. The idea of love at first sight makes me want to gag. I think it cheapens love. Lust at first sight? Heck yea. Love, not so much.

    MacGyver and I knew each other for months (though we were more aquaintances than friends) before we ever went out. Then we were *ahem* friends for about a year, though we didn't really get along. Actually, he annoyed the heck out of me, but I was still a little off due to some past stuff that had nothing to do with him. We went our seperate ways for a year, and when we got back in touch, things just started to click a lot more. We moved quite quickly from there.

    Great post. I'm really going to have to watch When Harry met Sally (I know, I'm terrible. I love While You Were Sleeping, though).
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  4. Jeff and I were friends first. In fact, his friendship was hugely important to me. We actually met when I was married to someone else. I was married but our marriage was crumbling apart. Jeff was there- as just a friend- when the counseling session came that determined that we had to separate. Jeff was there when I got the clear message that my marriage was over. Jeff helped me move into my own apartment, helped me get on my feet. He was my friend- not "our" friend- so I could really open up to him.

    I'd known him as this important friend for 6 months when my divorce became final. It was another 2 months before we both realized there was more to the friendship. And when I looked back over the friendship, I could see the moments when something in my soul found calm and comfort in him because I knew he was the one. I knew I had to get through this difficult time and that he'd been given to me as a gift to help me through it.

    So we were friends first. And then more. And it's worked out pretty darn well!!
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  5. I don't think my husband and I did either - or maybe we did both. I've always believed that love at first sight is just physical attraction. You have to be friends.
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  6. I believe both can happen. It took Paul and me 14 years to get together.....I love our love story...I wrote about it on Paul's birthday last year:
    http://itsarealjungleoutthere.blogspot.com/2009/07/will-you-still-need-me-will-you-still.html

    I love all those movies you mentioned. I do love a love story, even if it's not a very good move, I love the theme. And I believe love can happen at any age...your or old... and even when you're past the age most people think you should be 'over' such feelings, it can be as strong as when you were 16.
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  7. B and I did not like each other upon meeting each other. I thought he was super shady. And then we got to know each other and became best friends. He even came to my first wedding!!! And the rest is history. :)

    BTW, I LOVE When Harry Met Sally. A friend of mine who died in college (and who I dated for a little while and stayed friends with afterwards) invited me to his room one night to watch that movie. And just hearing someone talk about it makes me think of him and smile. So thanks!
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  8. I've never seen When Harry Met Sally...

    And I've always wanted to be friends first but then I get stuck in the friends zone...hence my lack of love.

    I also think a lot of people confuse attraction at first sight as love at first sight. I know I have issues with attraction at first sight....if only guys would have the same feelings back!
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  9. I'm with blueviolet. I'm met Adam online, and we got engaged 5 weeks later. I believe in it. My brother got engaged 10 days after he met his wife, and they have been married for 8 years.
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  10. First: let us not forget that Bridget Jones and Mark Darcy had known each other since childhood. Remember she swam naked in his paddling pool.

    Second: I love When Harry Met Sally. "Waiter, there is too much pepper in my paprikash, but I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie."

    Finally: I am firm in my opinion that there's no such thing as love at first sight. I know that's quite unromantic of me. I do believe in instant chemistry. I believe in instant attraction. But, for me, love is something that can only be built over time. Yes, there are people who meet and have that instant spark and end up living happily ever after. Sometimes it works out that way. But even in those cases, I would maintain that it was not truly LOVE at the beginning.
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  11. I like reading everyone's comments and love stories:-) My husband and I have a funny story of on and off but I can honestly say that I knew the moment I saw him, but it had more to do with spiritual preparation and prayer. Sounds cheesy but I knew he was my husband when I saw him. I'll tell you about it sometime:-)
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  12. Hm, I'd have to say I believe in sort of mix. A foundation in friendship is very necessary, but I've had several of my friends who I was interested in right from the start.
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  13. One of my all-time favorite movies is Fools Rush In. That's one of those movies I'll stay up late to watch every single time!

    I don't believe in the whole love at first sight thing. I get the butterflies, sweaty palms, racing heart kind of thing when you first meet someone. But I always think being friends first is the way to go.

    Reason being you can fall in and out of love with your partner over time..we all do. But if you have that solid foundation of friendship...meaning you truly LIKE each other...that's the secret to success. Tim and I go through peaks and valleys but when all is said and done he's my best friend.
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  14. Hubster and I met when I was interested in someone else. We became fast friends and when my other relationship fell apart, I realized that being friends gave Hubster and I the foundation to the perfect relationship. Absolutely, friends first, because then there is always the friendship to go back to when the romance isn't up to snuff.
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  15. Ryan and I met online and we totally jumped right into a relationship. We messaged back and forth for a few days then called each other, met for our first date and made out for about TWO HOURS (:O). I had NEVER kissed a boy on a first date let alone make out:) Three days later he told me he loved me and we have been together ever since!
    I can understand the friendship first thing but love CAN follow right along with the friendship. I'm living proof! Ryan's my very best friend and I can't imagine my life without him. I totally believe that it will happen when it's supposed to happen. Just don't put limits or rules on it.
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  16. You are my hero. I've been too scared to re-enter to dating world. I actually had a few opportunities and their intentions were not to date me, but to score.

    How do I know this? I asked them. I wanted to know why they were interested in me. The response made me mad and sad at the same time. I was told I was probably desperate and lonely.

    Sorry. I'll stop.

    I want only happiness for you. I want, wish, and pray that you meet your soul mate or man of your dreams.

    It is going to happen soon too. I just know it.
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  17. Oh man, this is a fun post. You know me and how I LOVE to talk relationships. Not my relationships, mind you, but relationships in general. It is SO fun to dissect and analyze behavior.

    Anyway...

    I definitely don't believe in love at first sight; however, I do believe that two people can be drawn to each other right away. I suppose you could classify it as chemistry. All I know is I once saw this guy and the minute I laid eyes on him, I knew he would be someone important in my life. And, it turned out to be true.

    Being friends first sounds all dandy in theory, but it isn't an easy transition. I know this from personal experience. It's weird to go from being great friends with a guy to all of the sudden having feelings for him to kissing him to (in my case) getting married. It can be quite confusing when you all of the sudden have to redefine an exisiting relationship.

    Oh, btw, Dustin and I were watching The Office one night and it hit me that I used to be in a kind of like Pam-Jim-Roy type relationship. Thoughts, K-Lo??? :)
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"You know what they say. If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me."

~Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias

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