Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Confession Wednesday: Grandmas
Grandmas.
Some of us have great memories of trips to Grandmother's house.
Others think back on the time Granny "accidentally" dipped into the "green brownies."
Whatever the case, this week we're talking about our grandmas.
Today is my grandmother's 84th birthday.
(It's hard to believe this picture was taken nine years ago.)
Years ago, a psychic told her she needed to make sure she was getting along with her daughter (my mom) because she was going to live into her nineties in her daughter's (my mom's) house.
I have the audio recording. I've heard the prediction with my own ears.
Longevity runs in her family. Her father lived ninety-five years before he died. So the idea of seeing her live to ninety was completely plausible.
She was the typical grandma. We spent weeks at her house during the summer, baked and shopped and went to movies. Complained I was getting chubby as she force-fed me carbs. We talked for hours about our favorite soap, Days of Our Lives, and she took me along to her sewing and quilting classes and was always excited to share her latest projects.
Sometime after my grandfather died in 2003, she moved in with my mom. She was reluctant, but knew it was for the best.
But, on August 28, 2007, she suffered a stroke which was followed by several days and nights in the hospital.
(A rather unpleasant experience you can read about here.)
(And don't judge the writing. My blog was exactly three posts old.)
And so, for the past two and two-thirds years, we've heard one prognostication after another that she has "a few weeks left."
She smiles and laughs and carries on conversations that would leave Lewis Carroll scratching his head. Of course, she mostly talks to dead people, but seems content.
She's completely bedridden now, reliant on nurses, hospice, and my mom for all of her care. I don't help as much as I used to. It just got to be too hard. Caring for Grandma means not leaving the house for even a few minutes. Sleepless nights because of her incessant talking, and heaps of guilt after forgetting to give her lunch at a reasonable hour.
It's hard.
I suppose I could be grateful for the extra time. At the rate she's going, she just might make it to ninety after all.
But, my confession today is that I just don't understand. I want to. I want to understand what she's waiting for. Why she's been laying in a bed for nearly three years and how much longer this can possibly go on.
There are no answers, though.
So, instead, I'll just be happy that she's celebrating her 84th birthday. Even if she doesn't know it.
Have something to say about your grandmother? Or about being a grandma? Link up and share!
PS: Also sending Happy Birthday wishes to my sister-in-law, Kristi, who is celebrating her 29th-ish birthday today, too!
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Your post has me tearing up a bit. Something about grandmas...
ReplyDeleteI already posted today but may need to do a separate post about my Grandma because there is so much to say!
My mom and I lived with my grandparents when my mom divorced my father and we moved from CA to KY when I was 3. We lived there until I was 5. Then my grandparents moved to a city 2 hours away. I would go and stay for a week each summer, they would come and visit for holidays. My grandma was my internal safe place when I was growing up- it is her kitchen in that old house that I go to in my mind when I want to calm down.
My grandparents are both still living but their health is declining. There is family drama- my aunt convinced my grandparents to move to Chicago- near her- back when her kids were small (20 years ago). Now that they are in failing health and need assistance, she wants to retire and move away and is brushing off the responsibility of care of her parents that she said she would take. My mom is trying to convince my grandparents that they should move to assisted living in Cincy- and I'm trh trump card. I have the great-grandchildren and I can visit Cincy a lot more easily than I can visit Chicago suburbs.
My grandma set the bar of expectations and no one can live up to how I see her. I have fond food memories- she would always have shrimp and 7-Up for me when I first arrived. She always made strawberry bavarian cream (like a strawberry mousse) for me. We would have tea parties with a little porcelain tea set. We used to read together, take care of stray cats together, cook together. She taught me to braid and sew.
I do hope that my grandparents move closer to my parents because I would love to be close to them in these upcoming final years- however many we get.
Hi Karen,
ReplyDeleteI love my grandmaa...i remember how she used to tell me stories about her life spent in villages...she still does!!!
loved your post..very touching...
Happy birthday to your Granny...
My Yatra Diary...
It's SO weird that you're posting about your Grandma today because I had a dream just last night about mine and I have NEVER dreamt about her.
ReplyDeleteI'm not close with any of my grand parents. I was way down on the list of grand children so the excitment of new grandkids had worn of by the time I came around. I'm hoping that will be different with my kids and mine and Ryan's parents. I think having a close relationship with grand parents is very special.
Ryan's Grandma held on into her late 80's and was really sick for a long time. She passed at the beginning of our second year of marriage. I saw how close Ryan was to her and how hard it was for her when she finally went. It was a very sad but a very touching time as well.
What a special post. Thanks for sharing:)
Your grandma is so sweet! This reminds me that I need to call my grandma today.
ReplyDeleteShe is so cute! I love my grandma. I wish she wasn't so darn far away. I'd love to visit with her more often!
ReplyDeleteMy grandmothers are both gone. They lived in Minnesota while we lived in California, so we weren't very close. I feel like I really missed out on something by not having them in my life more. That's why I'm glad my children are so close with my mom.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of her life, my maternal grandmother had multiple strokes, coupled with dementia. It was a long road for her before she finally "went home." I can really appreciate where you're coming from.
I totally understand how you feel. I felt the same way with my grandma. I think it's normal and natural. Your grandma has so many things to look forward in the next life, like seeing her husband. It's hard to not want her to move on and experience that.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she's here for other people and not herself?
What an amazing post.
ReplyDeleteI actually think a lot about who would take care of my grandmother when she needs it. It would really require people to put their lives on hold and make a lot of sacrifices. It would be hard, and I still wonder if I would step up to it.
My grandma's personality really changed after she turned 80. She'll be 89 this year. I think she could benefit from some anti-depressants but of course she doesn't believe in that type of thing.
ReplyDeleteI think it's the toughest part of life to have to watch those we love grow old and frail.
Oh, goodness, what a post. My grandmother passed away in her 80s, sharp as a tack. She went into the hospital on Sunday for a procedure and died on Thursday from complications. I don't know what I would have done had it been a long, slow spiral with dementia. Bless you.
ReplyDeleteThis was a heartfelt post, Karen.....
ReplyDeleteMy two grandmothers passed away while I was young, but I do still have memories of them. Unfortunately, my parents never really made visits a priority and it is such a shame because I think I would have liked to know them better. I do remember my mother's mother, who was not well off......knitting us booties every Christmas. My other grandmother was this little peanut, about 4 foot 6 but always dressed to the hilt, complete with her brooch, make up (rosy cheeks) and her hair in a perfect roller set.
I think feeling the distance has brought the desire to keep my family close now, and the years to come.
*and just in denial that I have an 18 year old so grandma is not that FAR off if you really think about it. ACK!
It's hard to see those that you love age. I haven't had much experience with that (yet), but I pray for grace when I do.
ReplyDeleteWow, that sounds so tough. Your post was very honest. It is hard to watch loved ones slip away slowly. Don't be hard on yourself, just do the best you can.
ReplyDeleteI love grandmas. Both of mine have passed on years ago. I still miss one of them a lot. She was great. My mom loves being a grandma. She said she had kids so she could be a grandma.
ReplyDeleteMy great-grandmother went through a similar thing and lived to 97 like that. For a while, she could sit up in a chair and visit, but she forgot she was in America and only spoke Italian for the last several years of her life.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother and her sister speak Italian, but no one else in the family does, so they were the only ones who could communicate with their mother.
It was sad, but kind of comforting to have her still around for that time. In the end, she one day had several very small strokes that ended her life.
I'm sorry for you and your family. It is a very difficult thing.