Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Confession Wednesday: Bathroom Confessions
When I broke my vow never to share this story with anyone ever for as long as I live by telling Kelli, I laughed so hard I cried. It was the first time I'd ever told it out loud. It was so completely mortifying that I have barely even let myself think about that day. But, I do think it's kind of funny. Kelli insisted that I HAVE to share it for Confession Wednesday. And since I pretty much do whatever Kelli tells me to do, I am, after eight years, putting one of my life's absolutely most embarrassing moments, on the internet for your ridiculing pleasure.
(By the way, Mom, Dad, you might not want to read this post. Well, Mom, you'll probably laugh, but Dad...well...just don't say I didn't warn you...)
So there I was. Colmar, France. On a summer study abroad program with Weber State University. June of 2002. We'd spent the better part of the day strolling the canals of La Petite Venise in Colmar, discovering a centuries-old church built by the ancestors of one of my classmates, and enjoying the charms of this little region in the northeastern countryside near the French/German border.
We hopped on the train to return to Strasbourg, where we'd been staying for the week. Several of us were in desperate need of facilities and, for reasons I cannot remember, hadn't been able to find them in hours.
So we're all doing different versions of the potty dance as the train pulls up to the platform--
(Which was kind of like those train stations you see in old westerns with this little tiny station and a wooden platform and possibly one lone light post.)
--and we jumped aboard, snagging the first seats we could find.
The lavatories were immediately occupied, so I had to wait about 45 entire seconds for my turn. Which is like 6 decades in full-bladder years.
My friend exited the lavatory, made a vague remark about the experience being "weird" and returned to her seat while I dashed inside, fumbled with the lock and then lifted the lid.
For a moment, I was confused.
Why was I staring at the ground?
The ground. Dirt. Rocks. Train tracks flying beneath me at 40 kilometers per hour. And I could see it all at the bottom of the toilet.
That's just not right.
As my bladder begged for a little relief, my brain suddenly decided that if I sat down on that toilet I was somehow going to get sucked down under the train. Or, at the very least, stuck.
I opted to employ the hover method.
I dropped my pants and hovered, making sure my aim was right on target. I relaxed just a little bit and started to, you know, go. Which happened at precisely the moment that the train decided to be a train and lurch from one side to the next and I was thrown off balance, missing the toilet and peeing a little on the floor. And possibly on my pants, too. I've never been entirely sure.
I regained my balance, finished my business--
(Yes, it took awhile. I hadn't gone in HOURS. And I'd had a lot of water that day.)
--and yanked my pants back up as fast as I could. I washed my hands and turned to open the door, which is when I realized I'd stepped right into the puddle that was slightly bigger than I'd thought it was.
There were no more paper towels and the toilet paper was approximately the consistency of air. I was left with no way to
I took a deep breath, threw open the door and found 3 or 4 of my classmates waiting for their turn.
"Gross!" I exclaimed. "Someone totally peed on the floor in here! Be really careful!"
And then I went back to my seat and prayed that the lingering odor was just my imagination.
Do you have an embarrassing bathroom moment to share? Please, please tell us all about it and link up below!
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"You know what they say. If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me."
~Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias