Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Confession Wednesday: "Listen! Do you smell something?"
I actually got the idea for today's Confession Wednesday topic from Dan Pearce's post about the phantom smell. You should really go read it. Just as soon as you finish reading this post, comment, and then write your own confession post and link it up...
Anyway, I've had the privilege? misfortune? plain old rotten luck? or experiencing some interesting smells in my day. And I have a pretty talented nose, which only makes it worse.
But I experienced the most memorable of foul odors back when I was living in my first house in Ogden, Utah. There were seven girls in that six bedroom house and there was never a shortage of interesting and distinctive aromas. Although, being that we were all girls, the bad smells were usually the result of bad combinations of scented candles.
Except once.
It all started with a hint of something. Just a vague unpleasantness. Nothing too severe. But it was concentrated in the kitchen.
The next day, it was a bit worse. Noticeably worse.
By the third day, I was convinced that something had died right there in our kitchen and started peeking into cupboards and behind the refrigerator in search of a tiny corpse.
My search revealed nothing more errant than a few wayward Cheetos, a trash can in need of a good cleaning, and some forgotten leftovers in old Tupperware.
We scoured the garbage can and left it outside overnight.
We poured bleach and lemons down the garbage disposal.
Our floor was mopped more times over the course of the ensuing two weeks than it had been collectively in all the years of its existence.
The stench, which two weeks later had managed to evolve into something resembling the aftermath of a zombie attack mingled with Jabba the Hut's breath, had somehow confined itself to the kitchen, although most of my roommates and I had taken to dining at Taco Bell or the sewer, or the house of the guys that lived across the street. All of which were infinitely more pleasant alternatives to the stench that was beginning to take physical shape.
One evening, one of my six roommates bravely attended the stove, attempting to cook dinner while covering her face with a bag of used socks donated by the Weber State football team. Her pot of noodles boiled over, spilling water down the stove and seeping beneath the burner.
Emily sighed (not this Emily, but a different one), removed the pot and carefully raised the top of the stove, armed with a few paper towels.
The scream was unlike anything I've heard in all of my life.
Convinced that zombies were indeed attacking my roommate, I darted into the fray, armed with...well, okay, nothing. I just ran to see what the screaming was all about.
Nothing could have prepared me for the sight.
It was curdled, slightly moldy, and probably breathing.
Cheese. Of the formerly powdered, in-the-process-of-being-cooked-but-boiled-over-and-wasn't-cleaned-up Kraft Mac-n-Cheese variety.
Fermenting for two weeks beneath the burners of our stove.
I still have nightmares from it.
So, what is the worst smell you can remember? I'm sure you've all got GREAT stories. Link up and tell us all about it!
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Have I mentioned that I have FIVE brothers? So you can imagine...
ReplyDeleteBut the worst aroma that ever dared enter my nostrils was my dad's aftershave, when I was growing up. He called it Old Spice. I called it Old Spit.
Not all aftershaves (or chemical reactions) are created equal. On him, it was that sickly sweet smell you encounter when near a landfill.
I was walking downwind from a school boy today. He must have been 10 or 11. You know, at his sweatiest and smelliest.
ReplyDeleteI gave that example because it's more recent, and easier to remember.
Nowhere near as entertaining as your story. I made me laugh.
You crack me up.
ReplyDeleteWe've dealt with some pretty horrific smells over the years. But one does stand out. When Hubster and I were looking for our first aparatment, we found one that was in a great neighborhood and in our budget. However, when we opened the door, such a puke-inducing smell hit us. We just turned around and left. The tour took less than a second. I had no interest figuring out what had died and made that smell. Ugh, I can still smell it.
Ugh, I can smell it from here!
ReplyDeleteWe had the sewer back up under our house once. That was pretty awful!
ReplyDeleteEeeeewwwwwwwww!!!! I can only imagine how bad that smelled!! At one point, for only a couple months, I lived with Tim and his roommates when we still lived in Sacramento and I thought their kitchen smelled like death. But that smell doesn't even compare to the one you've described. Eeewwwwww!!!
ReplyDeleteAt our old house we had a septic tank and one time it backed up. Our house smelled like rotten eggs for weeks. It was awful!
ReplyDeleteI spent one afternoon in high school hunting around my best friend's rural property for the source of the overwhelming dead animal smell. We eventually found it and then shoveled and bagged it. I think it was a cat or a small dog. I can't believe I didn't puke.
ReplyDeleteThat's true friendship right there.
Who knew that powdered cheese could ferment??? Sounds horrible!
ReplyDeleteI have a big nose we we joke about my superior sniffer. But I actually do have a great sense of smell. The worst that jumps to mind are the stockyards we pass driving through western Kansas. Horrible stench for what seems like miles.
ReplyDeleteAlways great to find another novelist-blogger! :)
ReplyDeleteOh man, that sounds so gross. That would totally ruin you from macaroni and cheese for a while, right?
Once I left beans in the fridge and forgot about them, and when I slo-o-o-owly pulled off the lid of the tupperware, I thought I might pass out. Never did that again.
That seriously had me holding my breath! I couldn't fathom what the smell might have been coming from and was so nervous to find out. I had no idea mac & cheese powder could do that. It must have been traumatizing.
ReplyDeleteOh... You would have LOVED the paper mill in Panama City and the sulfur water in central FL. BLEH!!!
ReplyDeleteI have something, but I probably won't be able to link up till Friday. Will the link still be open?
I have a very funny story about a horrible smell. Sadly, it's one of those that comes off badly in print. But it is the worse smell ever by far.
ReplyDeleteWho knew powdered cheese could be so stinky?
Have you ever watched Psych? Your super sniffer reminds me of Gus' delicate nose!
ReplyDeleteOur crazy nasty smell turned out to be a mouse corpse under the baby's changing table. I HATE that smell.
ReplyDeleteWow, what a story!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've ever heard this story before. How funny. It's weird to think that that kind of cheese would make such an aroma!
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking this up to TRDC to be reread. I really enjoyed it. You really had me hanging on, wondering if something nasty had died under your house or something. I can't imagine!!
ReplyDeleteThe worst thing I have every smelled was seriously one of my son's poopy diapers. It was so bad, I almost threw up while changing it, and I have a stomach of steel.
Ha!
ReplyDeleteSince I can't remember anything longer than a day or two, it just so happens that old brown rice in my tall trash can really stinks after just a day. So stinky I put the can in the utility room and closed the door (the bag wasn't full yet - I'm frugal that way.) I finally tossed it out this morning. I just couldn't stand it anymore.