Monday, November 22, 2010
Letter of Recommendation
No, not my stats so much as the keywords that bring people here.
And let me tell you. There are some really strange keywords that land people on this page.
(I don't even know what to say about this one: "got stoned and told my husband I lived as a lesbian"...)
(Since, you know, I've never been stoned, I've never lived as a lesbian, and to the best of my knowledge I've never had a husband. Although there is a trip to Vegas that's a little fuzzy...)
The other day, I was perusing my keyword list in Analytics and noticed something I would never have expected in a million years. Two searches for "obiphilkenobi."
At first glance it might look like a random jumble of letters.
To a Star Wars geek, it would appear that someone really needs to brush up on their knowledge of the galaxy far, far away.
I instantly recognized it as my ex-boyfriend's internet nickname.
I'm not sure what the "proper" reaction is to something like that, but all I felt was curiosity. It's been over a year, after all, since we broke up and I long ago abandoned any desire for reconciliation, so I didn't feel particularly nostalgic, nor regretful. I was a bit confused because I was quite certain I'd never referred to him by anything besides "Philip" or "my Super Awesome Boyfriend"--
(back in the days when he WAS super awesome, and also my boyfriend)
--and I was at a loss to explain how a search of his nickname would lead the searcher here.
So, of course, I dug a little deeper and found some long-forgotten comments to long-forgotten blog posts where he had signed in that way.
Figuring that this mysterious Googler has a good reason for this bit of research, I realized that those comments in no way yielded a helpful result. And since I made the rather baseless (though probably accurate) leap of assuming that this search was done by a responsible woman background-checking someone she might consider dating, I've decided to be of service.
To Whom it May Concern,
I am writing to recommend "obiphilkenobi" as a candidate to be your next boyfriend.
Philip, as he is commonly known in the real world, is a hard worker. When he actually has work to do, he does it well. Although he is not particularly driven to obtain a more secure employment status, he will do any job that finds its way to him.
He has an extensive music and movie collection. Probably the largest legally-obtained collection I've seen outside of Best Buy. But he can afford that kind of thing. It's really amazing how much money you can save when you live virtually rent-free in your mother's house until your mid-thirties.
Which is NOT to say that he is a mama's boy, because you can rest assured that he isn't. In fact, it's not uncommon for them to go for days without even speaking to each other in complete and meaningful sentences. At least not at normal volume.
Finally, I really must emphasize that Philip is a very thoughtful guy. I mean that with complete sincerity. Not only is he a generous gift-giver and eager to help those he cares about to solve problems or think through issues, he also gave a lot of consideration to exactly what he wanted to say before breaking up with my by email. He really thinks things through.
I hope this has helped you in your decision and I wish you luck!
**Please understand that this "letter" was written 90% in jest. While it's all true, it's also out of context. I'm sure he could say much worse about me. And I'd probably even deserve it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This is awesome! I need to check my searches more often.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite post ever.
ReplyDeleteI know that it was a tough time for you, but the fact that you can laugh about it now (and make me laugh) is just wonderful. Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous!
ReplyDeleteSounds to me like you pulled your own little travel investigator stunt. This is really weird. I just realized my mom was reading over my shoulder and it was a little creepy.
ReplyDeleteIs it wrong that I hope for a similar keyword search that leads to my blog? I need to slip the word 'lesbian' more often into my blogposts :P
ReplyDeleteToo too funny.
ReplyDeleteI love this! Not that I would expect anyone to be lead to my blog by googling one of my exes, but I feel I might need to write a letter anyway, just to be safe!
ReplyDeleteIt would be SO cool if we could talk to 'the next in line' and warn them...uhh, I mean TELL them how great the ex is. ; )
ReplyDeleteAwesome!
ReplyDeleteOh this is amazing Karen! I'm totally dying!
ReplyDeleteHolla! Freakin' awesome post, Karen. I LOVE IT!
ReplyDeleteI loved your letter!
ReplyDeleteI bet I'm not the first one to google him just to see if you made up the name!
LOL! Hilarious!!
ReplyDeleteHaha, I love this post. I wish I had the balls to do that for my old boyfriend (who's already married and it was like 20 years ago that we dated, but I digress).
ReplyDeleteI forgot to mentio my personal favorite search for my blog is super glue chastity lesson.
ReplyDelete:D
Oh my word! That is awesome!
ReplyDeleteBwaahahahaha!! You are so much kinder than I could ever be with 99% of my exs (ummm. not sure that says anything good about my taste in men, though).
ReplyDeleteHow do you check your stats? I've heard about many people doing it, but never about how.
How funny!
ReplyDeletejust found your blog - love it! classic blog post :)
ReplyDeletethat was freakin awesome! gonna check my stats right now!
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how to even do the keyword search check thing. I am hopeless with Google Analytic :p
ReplyDeleteVisiting from Red Dress Club
I use sitemeter to keep track of my stats, but I get a real kick out of seeing the search words that people find my blog with. They've been real calm as of late but for a while there I was getting some real strange ones.
ReplyDeleteLove the letter!
Visiting from MMB.
First of all, this post had me cracking up! I'm so glad you were able to help this poor searching girl out!
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, I love looking at my google searches, but I don't think I've ever gotten anything quite as awesome as that stoned lesbian one. Wow.