Thursday, January 19, 2012
Good Enough
You see, one of my goals this year was to audition for the Orange County Mormon Choir, and my audition was last Thursday.
Notice, my goal was NOT to get into the choir. It was simply to audition.
Because being accepted was not entirely up to me.
So I signed up to audition and then Marly volunteered to come along because she knows I get all needy and anxious when I'm nervous about anything that involves talent or skill or bravery.
We showed up to the audition last Thursday night. My hands were shaking and I think my knees were actually knocking together because this was a Big Deal. I've never auditioned for anything before where I wasn't guaranteed admission.
(Except that one time in high school, but the drama teacher was a total jerk and was supposed to find me a part somewhere and didn't.)
Anyway, the audition was in the chapel of a church building a few towns over. A friendly young woman told me to sign in and have a seat. Marly and I sat. There were only three of us waiting to audition just then, although the Audition Coordinator said there were 26 on the list, staggered throughout the evening. So it was me and two men and my cheerleader.
The first man was called into the chapel. The time had come. Auditions were officially underway.
My hands were shaking and Marly did her best to keep my mind off the anxiety, just reminding me that I'd be fine and that I could do this.
And then the first guy came through the doors and it was my turn. The coordinator called my name.
I stood up, looked back at Marly, smiled a weak smile and entered the chapel.
The cavernous, gigantic chapel full of empty pews and lots of space and just me and the choir director.
The choir director who was very friendly and looked about 18.
(Which was weird since has five kids.)
(And a musical resumé about a mile long.)
He introduced himself and I introduced myself and informed him that I had bronchitis.
(Oh, did I forget to mention that part?)
(Yup. The day before, I had basically been walking around all day sounding like a 12-year-old boy.)
He said that was fine and that he'd be able to hear my tone and {technical music words I can't remember} despite the crackles and hacking cough.
I took my place at the music stand and he sat at the piano and we did a few warm up exercises. Since my last experience with a choir anything remotely similar to this was about 800 years ago, I stumbled through the warm ups, not entirely sure what I was supposed to do. But I got through it.
And then he asked me to sing the first verse of "All Creatures of Our God and King."
And I am here to tell you that the voice that came out of my mouth was something I didn't even recognize.
I sounded good.
Really good.
I knew it.
When I finished the first verse, he asked me to sing the first part again. "But not in your choir voice. In your belt-it-out Opera Voice."
I don't have a belt-it-out Opera Voice.
But I nodded and he started playing and I sang.
SANG.
Sang my little lungs out. Hit notes I never should have been able to hit in my current state of allergic-ness and bronchial nasties.
"Good," he pronounced before asking me to turn to another hymn so that he could get an idea of my lower range.
It wasn't as pretty. But I was still feeling good.
As I finished the second hymn, he stopped playing and jotted a few notes on the form I'd brought with me. In the space that was marked "This space is reserved for the conductor."
I waited. Still shaking a little.
"Well," he started, still writing. And then he looked up. "You're definitely good enough to be here."
He said a bunch of other really complimentary things, but what rang through my brain was that I was GOOD ENOUGH. To be here. I was good enough.
That's something I haven't believed about myself in any sense in a really long time.
At that moment, it didn't matter if I was accepted into the choir or not.
Because I was good enough.
He went on to explain that his only reservation was my lack of formal choral experience and asked if I would promise my most excellent promise to work my butt off outside of rehearsals.
Of course I promised I would.
And then he said the results would be out by Tuesday. Just in time for the first rehearsal on Thursday.
I thanked him and walked out of the chapel to find Marly standing by the door. "You sounded SO GOOD!" she said.
"You could hear me??" I was slightly panicked by the thought and incredibly relieved that I hadn't known this BEFORE I'd gone in to sing.
She and the Audition Coordinator both said they could hear me and that I sounded great and I thanked the Coordinator and we left.
I was on a little bit of a high. And I told Marly that I knew it couldn't possibly have gone better. I felt great. And as much as I REALLY wanted to get into the choir, I'd be okay if I didn't because of the kind things the director said to me. About me.
When Tuesday came, I was on pins and needles. All day long. I tried to ignore my email, but couldn't. Every single time I got a notification that there was a new message, I jumped on it in a weird combination of fear and excitement.
That night, Marly texted to ask if I'd heard anything yet. I told her no and promised she'd be the first when I did. She assured me that when she'd gotten into the choir, she didn't find out until the day of the first rehearsal. I freaked out a little because there was NO WAY I could wait two more days.
By 9:45pm, there was still nothing. So I wrote her back, told her if I hadn't heard anything by then, I probably wouldn't that night and I'd talk to her tomorrow. (Which was yesterday.)
Yesterday morning, my alarm went off at 5. I fumbled for my phone and noticed an email message waiting. I clicked on it and saw:
OCMCO Audition Results
My heart stopped.But I reminded myself that it didn't matter if I got in or not because the director thought I was good enough. And if I didn't get in, it was for some other reason. I could always audition again in the Fall.
I opened the email.
I got in.
You are awesome. And if you share this post, you'll be even awesomer!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I totally knew you were gonna get in...as soon as you told me I had the feeling that you were goning to make it and do awesome.
ReplyDeleteCongrats!!!
Rebecca
I'm so glad this got it's own post. You were awesome that night in a lot of ways, Karen. Especially the way you got your pregnant groupie an ice-cream on the way home. Now the fun part begins. I'll be looking for the "what did I get my self into" post soon ;-)
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling that post is coming tomorrow!
DeleteThat is awesome. Singing in public is probably a thing that scares me the most. I'm so proud of you, I wish I could have heard!
ReplyDeleteMajor congrats!!
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome!! Double bonus.
ReplyDeleteAnd you are the master of suspense. You had ME worried as I was reading this.
GREAT JOB! How exciting!
ReplyDeleteAuditioning for things is so nerve racking!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats my friend! I'm excited for you!
Wow, that is amazing!! Congrats!
ReplyDeleteWoot! Woot! You may be "good enough" at the moment, but something tells me after a couple months practice with this choir you're going to be GREAT! WTG, Karen!
ReplyDeleteCongrats! You made it in! I wish I could have heard your audition. I love stuff like that.
ReplyDeleteCongrats!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHow exciting! I loved reading your post and ending was just icing on the cake! Congratulations! Please detail your experience so I can live my choir dreams vicariously through you, k?
ReplyDeleteYay! Good for you. My mom wants me to join her in the community choir but I think my choir days are over. I'll stick with karaoke. haha. Can't wait to hear all about your stories.
ReplyDeleteYippee! Congratulations! Can't wait to hear how rehearsal goes.
ReplyDeleteAwesome, awesome, awesome! Congrats!
ReplyDeleteYay! Congrats! See? 2012 is gonna rock!
ReplyDeleteGET OUT!!
ReplyDeleteI have always wanted to sing, since I can remember.
Belt it out, mama!!
HUGE congratulations, what a high this is.
GREAT JOB! Congrats! That is super awesome! Now you only have 51 left (or is it 50?) and you are going to rock them too!
ReplyDeleteYAAAAY! I'm so happy for you. It will be such an uplifting experience for you. Good job!
ReplyDeleteWHOOOOO! Major congratulations, Karen! You bowled them over with your voice :) You're gonna have a blast. Well done!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, girlie! Another goal accomplished PLUS a bonus! And you're gonna do great, I just know it!
ReplyDeleteI accomplished another one of my goals today too. This isn't as bad as I was dreading it would be. ; )
congrats! i auditioned for my church choir--everyone has a music degree/formally trained BUT me. I made it, but got so intimidated that i never joined. i just sing in the pews!
ReplyDeleteCan I have your autograph?! So I can say, "I knew you when!" Of course you got in! You're an awesome singer and they are lucky to have you! Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteOMG, girl!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I am sooo proud of you--and you should be SO VERY PROUD of yourself :) What a wonderful accopmlishment this is. And you ARE good enough. I'm happy you realize this. XOXO
ReplyDeleteI had cold chills reading that! That is great news and I am so happy I was able to pop over and share in this awesome experience. Because you are that good!
ReplyDeleteOoh, cold chills? Really? Thanks!
DeleteSo awesome! Congrats!!
ReplyDeleteAhhh! Congratulations!!! That's so exciting and wonderful! What a great resolution to have--you were so brave to audition!
ReplyDeletenice audition
ReplyDeleteOh I'm so excited for you! I love to sing, and I used to be in choir in high school, sing in church, etc... but I've never been confident about it. So glad you went for it!
ReplyDeleteThat is so wonderful! Congratulations! I LOVED reading your story - and I was on pins and needles too! I wish I could sing.
ReplyDeleteThat is amazing! Congradulations! And the post was awesome. As I was reading, I forgot it was a blog and felt like I was inside someone's story.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally behind on reading blogs and commenting on blogs and blogging on my own blog...but I saw this and HAD to respond! I'm so excited for you! This is wonderful news! Congratulations!!
ReplyDeleteYay! Congratulations! I want to hear you!
ReplyDelete