Wednesday, February 1, 2012
The Applicant
I don't ever say the name of it because I figure if anyone wants to stalk me they can at least put in a little effort to figure out which one, although it would honestly take about 20 seconds on a dial-up connection to track me down.
Plus, I hardly ever blog about my job because I've heard about very negative things happening to people who do that.
(Not in my district, but to other people.)
And besides, it's not like I have ANYTHING negative to say about my job because it is always sunshine and roses and we ride unicorns over rainbows every single day.
However. A situation came up last week that I just HAD TO SHARE. And I do this with the permission of one of the people involved. But I'm changing names to protect identities and pretend to be a little bit anonymous.
Part of my job involves student workers. Namely, tutors. And the recruiting and hiring and scheduling of said tutors.
I love working with our students. They are bright and funny and motivated and generally great people to be around. And most of them are young and keep things upbeat.
So it all started on Monday when I got a phone call from a gentleman asking if we hire tutors that are not students. I informed him that our district rules require that our tutors be enrolled in a minimum of 6 units per semester. He politely thanked me, hung up, and I never thought anymore about it.
The next day, the same gentleman (presumably) called again and spoke with my co-worker who gave him the same answer, but also mentioned that we do often bring in volunteers from the community. This is a service that has proven very valuable to us in years of tight budgets.
He bristled at the notion of volunteering, but agreed to speak with our coordinator, who I've mentioned before by name, but for the purposes of this post I'll give him the alias, "Richard." The man whom I'll call "Joseph O'Malley" (which is NOT AT ALL his real name I swear) left a message. Richard called back within minutes and got Joseph's voice mail, and left a message for him.
Don't you just love phone tag?
Similar bad timing and barely missed phone calls happened on Wednesday, too. And then Richard received an e-mail from Joseph stating that he hadn't heard back and would like to know if there are any openings and that he has a Bachelor's Degree from a local university, etc.
Not having gotten anywhere with returning phone calls, Richard replied to Joseph's email by informing him of the same things we had already mentioned. Namely that we can only hire students, but that we are always happy to have volunteers.
The response he received was as follows. In its entirety without my commentary. The only thing I've changed here are names or anything that specifically identifies any real name or actual place:
Hi, Rick
Thanks for the reply.
I presume we both applaud volunteerism (itis?) but I also presume we agree that "time is money." Since I, as a retired person, am already paid nothing to do nothing, I am already well paid. Hiring and paying "peer tutors" (at taxpayer expense) to tutor other peers is a little galling. It's a bit like paying the blind to lead the blind, isn't it? Would you want a twenty-something to "teach" you anything? Don't get me wrong, Ricky. Young people are intelligent and giving is good, but when the recipient expects something for free, the giver and the thing given have NO value, do they? This kind of "giving" demeans everything and everyone involved!
There were no voice mails from you on my answering machine. (Learn to dial!)
Cheers,
Old Joe
PS: Old people have much to offer and it has value. So do they.
PPS: Isn't it great to have a civil service (?) job "for life"?
PPPS: Civil service = I couldn't get a job in the private sector because they expect results. ("I've worked in the private sector. They expect results." --Bill Murray in Ghostbusters)
PPPPS: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym." --Woody Allen
PPPPPS: "Those who can't do anything become coordinators." --Joseph O'Malley
(And this last one refers back to the email that Richard first sent that had a debatable grammatical 'error')
PPPPPPS: "Hello Mr. O'Malley,"? Maybe "Hello, Mr. O'Malley," is preferred, eh? Punctuation hasn't died in (your) college, has it? Sign up for some English peer-tutoring from one of your Spanish-speaking "peers," Ricky.Oy vey.
We went back and forth and back again on what to do about that one.
Should there be a reply? By email or by phone call? Should it be professional or snarky?
We discussed it at length and all agreed that while there were a number of things we would LIKE to have said to this man, the safest, smartest, and most professional course of action was simply to do nothing.
Which is when I asked for permission to blog about this.
Because I wrote a response.
A response that wasn't sent. And for good reason. But one that needed to be written.
I wrote this from Richard's perspective. And it was the kind of thing that demanded to be shared. So I'm sharing it here with you since I can't send it to "Joseph O'Malley."
Howdy, Joe!
Thanks for your reply.
I presume we both applaud humor, but I also presume we agree in such a thing as respect. Since I, as the person from whom you recently sought employment, received no respect from you, it is fair to say that you should expect none in return. Hiring and paying "peer tutors" (at taxpayer expense) is a common practice at many educational institutions, including your alma mater, BSU. It's a bit like paying excellent and proven students to use the skills they have acquired to help their fellow students to become successful. I would be delighted to have a twenty-something "teach" me anything wherein their skill set was greater than mine as I am humble enough to understand that I have not yet amassed all knowledge. Don't get me wrong, Joey Boy. This kind of tutoring practice has proven successful time and again for students of all ages.
I left two voice mails at the number you gave me. (Learn your phone number!)
Tally-ho,
Dr. Richard G. Burton
PS: "It's true what they say. Old people, though slow and often dangerous behind the wheel can still serve a purpose."--Jim Carrey, Dumb & Dumber
PPS: If I have this job "for life" then our pension system needs some serious reform.
PPPS: I had a job in the private sector and accepted a pay cut to work with a broader range of students in an area where I felt my time and knowledge would be more useful. And that Ghostbusters quote was from Dan Akroyd, not Bill Murray.
PPPPS: "Those who can't teach gym write snarky emails when they don't get their way." --Karen Peterson
PPPPPS: "Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another." --Erma Bombeck
PPPPPPS: We have an excellent grammar class to suit your needs, as well as a wonderful course in Multi-Cultural Studies.Too far?
You are awesome. And if you share this post, you'll be even awesomer!
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Snarktastic.
ReplyDeleteHa! That is awesome! The things I wish I could post about work.
ReplyDeleteOh my. Mr. O'Malley sounds like a piece of work. And what a difficult position y'all are in with this toxic behavior. Hopefully he's had his rant & won't be back around!
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious and so frustrating all at the same time. Love the quote from Dumb and Dumber.
ReplyDeleteThat is beautiful. If only you could have hit that send button. That would've shut him up good :)
ReplyDeleteNope, not too far because you didn't send it. That guy has WAY too much time on his hands. CRAZY!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE that heard this story... in PERSON! Yeah:)
ReplyDeleteBravo!
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHA what a freaking weirdo. He seems like an old guy who is hard up for cash but is to proud to do a job that is "under" him. Tell him Mc.Donalds is hiring <3
ReplyDeleteDelicious.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I feel for the senior members of society. They are constantly being given the message that their skills are devalued and their voices are not worth listening to. Is it any wonder that many appear to be grumpy?
ReplyDeleteAnd did you also know that the elderly are in a high risk category for depression too? I'm not wanting to attack you, but it's something I feel strongly about.
I'm not trying to excuse his rudeness, you and your peers deserved courtesy. I guess he saw himself as having a wonderful set of skills that you rejected, and he was affronted because you did not roll out the red carpet. I'm glad you chose to not bite back. That was the only course of action open to you.
BTW - I've worked in both the public and private sectors. Incompetence is rife in both!
I agree with you about seniors, but this isn't a senior issue. We have a couple of tutors here that are older and retired. We were allowed to hire them because they are taking classes here and are, therefore, students. They are a wonderful addition to our staff and are able to help students in a much different way.
DeleteIf this "Joe" guy had signed up for a couple of classes, we would have been able to hire him, per our district rules. Of course, I wouldn't now that I've seen firsthand his utter lack of respect for others and his potentially racist attitude.
Yeah, you and I know that, bit it seemed that Joe interpreted it as an age issue, and responded accordingly. As I said, you did the right thing to not bite back, it wouldn't be the sort of exchange anybody could win.
DeleteI LOVE it! Not too far at all!
ReplyDeleteLove the response! I think you should "accidentally' send it on "Richard's" computer... Just saying
ReplyDeleteMy job is to hire people, and I am always amazed at when a job applicant gives me tons of attitude. Really? You think that behavior is going to get you hired?
ReplyDeleteWow, I thought you were pretty funny before, but this takes the cake.
ReplyDeleteWhy would he give "Rick" a hard time when he was TRYING to gain employment from him? Seniors these days, they just aren't appreciative and they have an attitude to boot.
KAREN ~
ReplyDeleteWell, to be honest, I mostly came here to tell you that I had replied to your comment on my ‘Sports Movies’ blog bit and that I hope you will go there to read it. (I know that most Blogspot.com bloggers leave comments and never return to see if the blogger replied.)
And I also know from past experience that you don’t often reply to comments left on your own blog installments. Therefore, I don’t really expect any sort of response to THIS comment but I will leave one nonetheless:
In general, I think that “Joseph O'Malley” handled the situation rather poorly and there is much to be said for the outlook of y’all at the University, and for your imaginary reply to Ol’ Joe specifically. There was much humor and intelligence displayed in your “pretend” response. BUT…
… if this were a “civil” lawsuit, where the preponderance of the evidence decides the matter, I’m sorry to tell you this, my friend, but as a judge or jury member, I would find on the side of Ol’ Joe.
I don’t presume to speak for Jo-Ann, who commented before me, but I suspect she and I, in an overall sense, view this matter similarly. (I now need to check her Blogspot site out, because she and I may represent the same minority opinion in all sorts of other disputed matters.)
Still love ya, Sis, but in total honesty, I don’t think I can fully align myself with you on this one.
~ D-FensDogg
‘Loyal American Underground’
Stephen, my sincerest apologies if you have felt that I've ignored your comments. I try to reply to as many as I can, but usually do so via email. Since your email address is not enabled, I haven't been able to reply that way. It was only in the last week or so that I switched to Blogger's new threaded comment format and I'm still trying to get used to it. Please be patient and know that I think you and every single one of your comments rock.
DeleteAs for our friend, Old Joe, I am going to have to continue to disagree with you here. We never introduced the issue of age. He did. The issue has to do with a part of the California Education Code that requires that student workers be...students. Silly, I know. Going a little further (farther?), it is our district's policy to hire student workers as tutors, rather than hiring people from the community. At this time, we have no way around this rule and "Joe"'s complaint was, therefore, targeted at the wrong person.
Your response was brilliant. Too bad you can't send it. Seriously, I don't understand people who feel they are owed things like jobs. Why didn't old Joe try looking somewhere else? And if his opinion of civil service is so low then why did he so desperately want the job? What a bunhead.
ReplyDeleteGoodness. That's exciting. You are terribly brilliant! How frustrating for you. At least you have a wonderful sense of humor to get you through. :)
ReplyDeleteToo far? Not far enough! I would've sent it. He wasn't going to be 'working' there anyway, right? And I LOVE your "can't teach gym" quote. lol!
ReplyDeleteOh how fun! You're just so witty! I would love to post all of my work stories but since a lot of my coworkers read mine, I have to hold back on the juicy gossip. I mean honestly, after 3 years of working for alcoholics...I've got some good stories to share. Anyway, back to you...I love all the added quotes to prove both of your points. Dumb and Dumber line...classic!
ReplyDeleteExcellent. I can't tell you how many times I wish I could tell people exactly what was on my mind.
ReplyDeleteI'm really curious about the threaded comment format. Do your replies still come through e-mail? Do comments we leave still go to your e-mail? I don't have time to come back to each blog post I leave a comment at to see if there is a reply. I'm very curious of how this is working for you.
Holy Crap! What a jerk! I love your response. And seriously - who DOES that?
ReplyDeleteI know, right??
DeleteI think your witty rebuttal was CLASSIC, but I'm glad you didn't send it. I can only imagine how much drama it would cause and who knows? Another grammatical error might be made, and then where would you and Richard be??? :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I didn't send it either. Really, nothing good would have come of it. And one of us probably would have been in big trouble.
DeleteAs a peer tutor, I love you. That was perfect. I can understand why "Joey" has no job.
ReplyDeleteYeah, not much of a mystery, is it?
DeleteLOVE it. Perfect response. You are hilarious. It's soooo too bad you can't send that.
ReplyDeleteAnd what a weeny. I feel a little bad for that guy. He's obviously feeling undervalued because of his age, but incapable of expressing that in a way that doesn't make him out to be an asshat.
That's a halfway compassionate take, right?
"PPPPS: "Those who can't teach gym write snarky emails when they don't get their way." --Karen Peterson"
ReplyDeleteEffing brilliant! :D
Awesome! I don't understand people sometimes. And to poor dumb Joey, my mom was an amazing gym teacher! ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, Karen... that was just a MAGNIFICENT response. Damn. I wish you could send that sucker ;)
ReplyDeleteThe other day I wrote a snarky email back to my boss and it was the most rewarding thing. Of course I never actually hit "send" but it felt good to get some things off my chest. Sometimes we just have to!
Huh. Beginning to understand why this guy is having a hard time finding employment.
ReplyDeleteAnd your response was right on the money.