Tuesday, February 14, 2012
I Finally Figured Out Why I Hate Valentine's Day
Stupid, I know.
Because my feelings toward the Hallmark Holiday aren't going to change anyone else's, which I finally figured out years later.
The real reason for my loathing, however, remained unknown.
Many assumed it was just because I was lonely and that I would completely change my tune as soon as I had my very own Valentine.
I've had my very own Valentine and I assure you, my feelings haven't changed.
Well, okay, maybe I feel a little less militant in my hatred now, but I think that has more to do with age than anything else.
Over the weekend, I was poking around online and catching up on some posts about all the adorable crafts and cards and things some of my friends are making with their kids in preparation for today's celebrations.
I'm all for craftiness, but making homemade valentines for an entire classroom full of children just seems like so much work and I remembered with fondness the boxed sets my mom let me and Marc pick out when we were in elementary school. Strawberry Shortcake. Carebears. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
And then I thought about the hours spent on the day before Valentine's Day, scribbling To's and From's on 30+ cards for my classmates and how I would agonize over the messages pre-printed on them. Things like:
"I'd be delighted if you'd be my Valentine."
or
"Some-bunny likes you."
or
"Let's strike a match this Valentine's Day."
Even at 8-years-old I had actual anxiety over who was going to get which message. I really didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea. To think I was trying to tell them something when I definitely wasn't.
It was torture.
So I was thinking about that this weekend when it finally hit me. After 25 years or so of hating Valentine's Day. I finally know why.
It's not the over-abundance of sentimentality that bothers me.
It's that so much of it is completely and totally fake.
That people are acting a certain way or saying certain things just because it's Valentine's Day and they're supposed to.
Yes, I KNOW this isn't a universal truth.
I KNOW there are plenty of people who really love the people they're sharing Valentine's Day with.
I KNOW it means something to some people.
But I also know that it means nothing to a lot of people, too.
That children are taught to bring a card for everyone so that no one gets left out. Whether they mean what it says or not.
That a lot of flowers will be bought today by husbands and boyfriends who know they'll be in trouble if they come home from work empty-handed.
That a lot of flowers will be delivered today to the very people who ordered them just so that they can pretend not to be alone.
I'm all for sentimental and romantic. But I hate when it's faked or forced or pretended.
And I've just seen too much pretend sentimentality year after year.
Which is the real reason I've always hated Valentine's Day.
I'm so glad I've finally solved that mystery.
You are awesome. And if you share this post, you'll be even awesomer!
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Really? Is it the custom to send all the kids in your class a Valentine's card in the States? I always thought it was for a special someone. Of course it loses its meaning.
ReplyDeleteIt must be a cultural thing, but I just feel that small children observing the holiday for lovers (ok, ok, the Saint who was executed for defying the Caesar's orders to not marry soldiers) is a bit ick. I think if an 8 year old Australian boy received a valentine from anybody, he'd treat it as if it were radioactive!
Thn again, I thought my work mate receiving a bunch of flowers at work from her husband was over the top. (And, no they weren't forced to live in different cities or anything like that, she just had him very well trained).
It IS custom to have little Valentine's Day parties in schools, and all the kids give each other Valentine cards and treats. It didn't occur to me that it's not the same everywhere!
DeleteSending flowers to work is another common thing.
I remember giving Valentines to only the classmates I actually liked. Nowadays, you have to give them to everyone. To me, that's what's wrong with V-day. No one should be 'forced' into celebrating something they don't feel.
ReplyDeleteExactly.
DeleteI’m not a big Valentine’s Day person. We totally bought boxed V Day cards and quickly copied down the class list on each envelope the night before the party. I remember not caring at all about what the card said, but who attached candy to theirs! Hahaha.
ReplyDeleteI've always been an over-analyzer. It gave me serious anxiety.
DeleteInthinkmone of the reasons why I like Valentine's Day is because I enjoyed the activities at school. It was never an anxious thing for me. But, yes, for sure, it is a fake holiday and a lot of people that buy flowers and such are just doing it because they feel like they have to. I love the e-cards!!
ReplyDeleteOh, FYI, the beginning of my last comment is suppose to say "I think one"
ReplyDeleteYou make a valid point m'dear. I'm not a big fan... I think of how stupid it is that we can't just say "I love you" or buy someone flowers or treats for the rest of year, instead we need a day to say "You treat me like crap all year, but today I'm special!" haha
ReplyDeleteI don't like it, for exactly the same reason. I don't need a special day to tell Adam I love him, and vice versa. We do it every day. Blech. Whatever.
ReplyDeleteOh man... I love someecards! I have a favorite totally picked out for today too! ;) And seriously... I used to have the SAME anxiety over V-Day cards. Totally ridiculous to put that kind of pressure on kids!
ReplyDeleteKaren, I also remember feeling anxiety when I was in maybe 5th grade (?) signing my Valentine's cards. I did NOT want to give them to the boys, but we had to give one to everyone, and I was trying to select cards that were more neutral for the boys who were little turds and made fun of me . . . it was very stressful. Adults think Valentine's Day is no big deal for kids, but for a child, it can be a huge deal, especially when the cards are romantic in nature!!
ReplyDeleteThat is EXACTLY the reason why I don't make a big deal out of V-Day. I remember feeling such anxiety over each and every Valentine I signed...wondering if so and so would read too much into this Valentine or if so and so would think I was lame over that Valentine. It was so stressful. And then of course my feelings would always be hurt when that certain someone didn't give me a Valentine.
ReplyDeleteI don't hate V day. But I could take it or leave it. And I totally remember agonizing over the specific message for particular class mates.
ReplyDeleteThat's why we do a "one message fits all, but not very time consuming" home made valentine for everyone.
But yeah, it's pretty much just another day around here.
I'm basically ambivalent about Valentine's Day. I enjoy a celebration, don't get me wrong. But Valentine's Day carries about as much importance to me as St. Patrick's Day. Fun to decorate. Sometimes fun to go all out. But...it's not like I'm going to pout if it passes by unnoticed, either.
ReplyDeleteWhen I went on facebook this morning and saw everyone's pictures of all the cute red pancakes and decorations they did for their families to wake up to I started feeling a little guilty because I didn't do anything. Luckily I quickly remembered that I didn't do anything because we don't celebrate V day in our home. We just skip to our anniversary. Such a relief:-) Now, I better go figure out something to celebrate our 6 yr anniversary on Friday.
ReplyDeleteAnd now I'm depressed....LOL.
ReplyDeleteI'm ambivalent about today - I don't hate it, but it doesn't really get me excited either - this year I'm almost glad I'm single and don't have to worry.
ReplyDeleteI love those "aha!" moments.
ReplyDeleteAnd you totally nailed it, too. This is SUCH a fake holiday.
I remember getting in trouble for writing "I hate you" on one little boy's Valentine. He was mean, but in retrospect I feel really really guilty about it because everyone picked on him. Luckily, Facebook afforded me the opportunity to apologize to him as an adult. Then unfriend him for being a bigot.
Yep. Anytime folks feel obligated to fake emotion, it's upsetting, so you're not alone in your dislike of the holiday! I also hate the subtle competition of it, the "whose valentine is more romantic" side, which seems so negative. Plus, it's more commercialized than anything else...they should just call it Capitalism Day. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree! It lacks meaning to get flowers or cards on Valentines just because you have to. I want flowers and cards every day besides Valentines day because you have to!
ReplyDeleteI am SO with you on this. I spent a lot of Valentine's Days alone, but now that I have someone that I love, the holiday makes even LESS sense to me. I don't want just ONE day to tell him how much he means to me. I want all the days to be like that!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I hate the forced aspect of it too. I mean, it sure is nice if someone does something unique and thoughtful for you but getting a dozen red roses and a box of chocolates on V-day is kinda lame. I used to love watching all the women in my office getting madder and madder throughout the day as no flowers or any other presents arrived. It's all so silly.
ReplyDeleteMy birthday is the day before V-Day, so I've always had a fondness for V-Day. As I get older, I prefer V-Day to my birthday. Either way, I get chocolate! : )
ReplyDeleteYes, you most certainly are right. I totally agree. I have seen a lot of hypocrisy where the holiday is concerned, and it definitely stems back to our youth. I also remember the girls in class who weren't particularly nice to me getting me Valentine's Day cards and thinking to myself that it was the one day a year they pretended they liked me. I suppose much is true later on in life. I have had boyfriends and have gone through the motions, exchanging cards, putting roses in water, only to find that come the 15th, everything was back to "normal," the fights would continue, the silent treatment would grow louder.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I feel awful I never responded to your comment over on my post at SITS (thank you for that, btw). So many of my friends are in relationships so I have in the past had a hard time rounding up girls to hit up the bars with. Some years I would go with coworkers (not the closest of friends, but we always had a great time out together) and if I couldn't find anyone, I would simply take advantage of a mani or go home and do whatever it was I wanted to do. Because sometimes you just have to treat yourself :)
I have nothing to add to this, because I agree with everything you've said. I'm married, and the last time I can remember enjoying Valentine's Day was when I was 15 and a boy named Jason asked me to dance at the V-Day high school dance. But from then on, it mostly was just a day that depressed me.
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
I don't really have strong feelings about it one way or another.
ReplyDeleteIn my family it wasn't really a romantic holiday - my grandma always gives us Valentines and we always gave our cousins valentines and my mom would make a cake from my great-great grandmother's recipe book.
My grandma still makes me a special valentine every year - it's just a fun for us to remember the people we love in a little more special way than we usually do :)
I think Valentines is overrated and forced. Red roses? Heart pendants? Those take ZERO THOUGHT because they are everywhere. I'd rather someone take the time and get me something thoughtful and meaningful than waste money on crap I don't want. And it doesn't have to be on Valentine's Day. However, it does kind of suck when every person around you is getting something and you're not. My hubby is not a V-Day person. Ha!
ReplyDeletePS - I'm about to watch Revenge RIGHT NOW, so I can read your next post.
ReplyDeleteI've actually broken up with people twice on Valentine's Day in the past because of the pressure of the holiday. I know, I'm a peach. But it's like, yeah, I'm just going through the motions for both of these things, the relationship AND the holiday. It's been fun with Kenny, but we do stuff all year long that other people only do for Valentine's Day. And V-Day was stressing me out this year, so we decided to bag it and make it a family holiday where it was about showing our love and doing something special for our kids. THAT was much more fun.
ReplyDeleteGotta say I'm with you on this. I do like the candy though. And after Valentine's Day it gets marked down.
ReplyDeleteOh, my teeth hurt.
Lee
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