Sunday, January 27, 2013
The 19th Annual SAG Awards Play-by-Play
I normally only do this for, like, the Golden Globes, the Emmys and the Oscars. But I was watching the SAG Awards anyway, so I thought, what the heck. Why not?
First off, there was a major Red Carpet FAIL when some dude on CNN's red carpet show got confused between Alfre Woodard and Viola Davis. You do not want to make that mistake on the red carpet, CNN.
Okay, on with the show.
5:01 There's a pretty lame intro where Ellen Kay points out different stars as they're entering the theater. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just not very interesting and the comments are dumb.
5:02 Jane Krakowski, Chris Tucker, Helen Hunt, Hal Holbrook, Alfre Woodard (for real), some dude whose name I missed, and Sophia Vergara each share stories about getting their SAG card.
5:05 Nicole Kidman welcomes everyone to the show and then presents Outstanding Supporting Actor.
5:07 Tommy Lee Jones for Lincoln. Except he's not there. Boo.
5:08 Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence introduce the clip for Silver Linings Playbook, which is nominated for Outstanding Cast in a Motion Picture.
5:09 Justin Timberlake presents Outstanding Supporting Actress. Thousands of women remember he's releasing a new album and faint with anticipation.
5:10 The winner is Anne Hathaway for Les Misérables. She talks about getting her SAG card at age 14 and how much she loves being part of the SAG and blah blah blah. I stop listening long before she stops talking.
5:16 TNT plays an auto-tuned promo for Dallas that's really dumb. Just thought I'd share.
5:19 Jeff Daniels and Kerry Washington say thanks to the soldiers serving around the world and then present Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series.
5:22 Alec Baldwin wins because it's 30 Rock's last season. What's with his hair? It looks like a bad toupée.
5:23 Julianne Moore and Damien Lewis present the award for Outstanding Actress in a Comedy Series. Damien says, "I wonder what it's like to be in a series that makes people laugh, as opposed to one that makes them really, really tense." It's supposed to be funny, but kind of isn't. But he has a cute accent, so who really cares?
5:26 The Actor goes to Tina Fey for 30 Rock. She says she'd like to share her award with Amy Poehler. ("Amy, I've known you since you were pregnant with Lena Dunham.")
5:27 Ben Affleck, Bryan Cranston, Alan Arkin and John Goodman introduce the clip for Ensemble nominee Argo. It's kind of cute because they line up by height.
5:29 Julianna Margulies and Noah Wyle present together. Carter and Hathaway together again! They present Outstanding Ensemble in a Comedy Series.
5:32 The actor goes to the cast of Modern Family. Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie) doesn't even pretend to be happy for them. Jesse Tyler Ferguson accepts the award for the group.
5:40 Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber get to present together, which is just adorbs. They present Outstanding Actress in a TV Movie or Mini Series.
5:42 The winner is Julianne Moore for Game Change. Wonder if she'll thank Sarah Palin this time.
5:43 That would be a no.
5:44 Rose Byrne and James Marsden present Outstanding Actor in a TV Movie or Mini Series.
5:46 The winner is Kevin Costner for Hatfields and McCoys. Sadly, Kevin is not present to bore us with a history lesson masquerading as an acceptance speech.
5:47 The SAG-AFTRA president types make a speech about how awesome they are and thank a bunch of other industry unions too. Then there's a montage about SAG and AFTRA merging and how it makes them even more awesome. Or something. I'm not paying much attention.
5:57 Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman introduce the clip for Les Misérables with a modern translation: "Wolverine is being chased by Gladiator, and Catwoman gets knocked up and then sends her baby to be raised by Bellatrix Lestrange and Borat." (I think I saw that on Twitter a couple of weeks ago.)
5:59 Alec Baldwin presents the Life Achievement Award to Dick Van Dyke. There's a video presentation about his very long and very awesome career.
6:04 Dick Van Dyke accepts his award. He has the biggest smile ever. And a standing ovation. "My Lord and Savior, Carl Reiner, couldn't be here tonight." and "I've been around this business 70 years and I still haven't figured out what I do."
6:13 Amy Poehler and Neil Patrick Harris say a bunch of words that sound dramatic when spoken loudly and by themselves. They present Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series.
6:16 Wow. The winner is Bryan Cranston for Breaking Bad. He says, "It's so good to be bad."
6:19 Dev Patel introduces the clip for The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.
6:20 Taye Diggs and Busy Phillips present Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series.
6:21 Claire Danes in Homeland. As a sidenote, I think the Homeland theme is really boring and I wish it would quit winning stuff so I wouldn't have to hear it anymore. Claire's speech is long and rambly, but she's sweet, so whatever.
6:25 Jessica Chastain introduces the In Memoriam segment.
6:34 Alfred Molina and Sigourney Weaver present Outstanding Ensemble in a Drama Series.
6:37 DOWNTON ABBEY!! That is a TOTAL shock. I thought sure it was going to be Homeland! ("Shut the french windows!") I just love Mrs. Hughes. She chucks the award to Branson and then gives a very gracious speech.
6:39 Daniel Day-Lewis and Sally Field introduce Lincoln. They put glasses on and read from a crumpled piece of paper instead of the teleprompter cuz they're old. It's kinda funny.
6:41 Robert DeNiro presents Outstanding Actress in a Leading Role.
6:43 And Jennifer Lawrence seals her fate as an Oscar winner. She thanks MTV for putting her in a promo for My Super Sweet 16 when she was 14.
6:52 Viola Davis (for real) presents the award for Outstanding Actor in a Leading Role.
6:54 To the surprise of no one, the Actor goes to Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln. I mean, it's pretty much a given since he IS Lincoln. He says, "Lincoln was shot by an actor." They're at the Screen Actors' Guild. It's funny.
6:57 Jude Law presents Outstanding Cast in a Motion Picture. I honestly don't know who's going to win and the applause isn't helping.
6:58 Holy crap! Argo! Ben Affleck looks genuinely stunned. I think his Oscar snub for Best Director is the best thing that happened to him and his movie. His speech is awesome. The movie's awesome. If you haven't seen it yet, do. And then you can say you've seen the Best Picture of the Year.
6:59 And that's the show, folks!
Pretty straight forward. Pretty easy breezy. This is why I don't usually blog the pre-cursor awards. I don't know if I'll do it again. So the next time you have to read one of these will probably be the Oscars on February 24!
You are awesome. And if you share this post, you'll be even awesomer!