Sunday, February 24, 2013
The 85th Academy Awards Play-by-Play
Another Oscar season has come and gone. Another movie has been crowned The Best. Another round of happy winners are out celebrating in grand style at dozens of parties all over the valley. And Renee Zellweger is getting ready to nurse one hell of a hangover. Which, if you didn't watch the show, will make sense in a few minutes.
My roommate and I co-hosted one awesome Oscar bash and I'm going to brag all about it tomorrow. But for tonight, here's the show, just how it happened:
5:30 Seth MacFarlane comes to the stage. His comments include: "I'm excited to be hosting the Oscars. It's an honor that everyone else said no." and "The movie Argo is so Top Secret that it's director is unknown to Hollywood."
5:40 A screen drops down and it's Captain James T. Kirk from the bridge of the Enterprise interrupting Seth's monologue to stop him from ruining the Oscars. He shows Seth that he will be the worst host ever when he performs a song called "We Saw Your Boobs." Which is actually pretty hilarious.
5:44 Charlize Theron and Channing Tatum dance while Seth sings "The Way You Look Tonight."
5:45 Captain Kirk says that helps his performance some, but that Seth's still pretty bad because he does a re-enactment of Flight using sock puppets. Hilarious!
5:46 Daniel Radcliffe, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth do a song and dance number, "High Hopes."
4:47 Captain Kirk says he's now mediocre, but that he had an unfortunate incident with Sally Field in the Green Room. They show him talking to Sally Field dressed as the Flying Nun and telling her how hot she was in Gidget.
5:50 Seth sings "Be Our Guest" and the show is officially underway.
5:51 Octavia Spencer presents the award for Best Supporting Actor.
5:53 The Oscar goes to Christoph Waltz for Django Unchained! His speech is sweet, just like him.
6:00 Melissa McCarthy and Paul Rudd do a weird bit that I don't completely get because everyone in my house is talking loud and I can't hear them. But they're presenting Best Animated Short.
6:01 The Oscar goes to Paperman, which was so, so cute. Did you get a chance to watch it online?
6:02 Melissa and Paul also present the award for Best Animated Feature to Brave.
6:03 The winner accepts his award in a kilt, which is kind of funny. He jokes that it wasn't planned, but...um...since he wore it to the Oscars, doesn't that mean it WAS planned?
6:04 Reese Witherspoon introduces the clips for the first three Best Picture nominees: Les Misérables, Life of Pi, and Beasts of the Southern Wild.
6:06 Seth comes back to the stage. He points out that Quevenzhané Wallis is the youngest Oscar nominee and then says, "Oh, you got nominated for an Oscar? Yeah, something a nine-year-old could do."
6:08 Robert Downey, Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner, and Samuel L. Jackson present the award for Cinematography.
6:10 The award goes to Life of Pi. If you've seen the movie, you know this was really no contest.
6:14 The Avengers also present the award for Visual Effects.
6:15 Which also goes to Life of Pi. The guy accepting the award says, "The irony of a movie about what's real and what's not real, and most of what you see is...well, it's fake."
6:21 Jennifer Aniston and Channing Tatum present Costume Design.
6:22 The Oscar goes to Jacqueline Durran for Anna Karenina. Of course, because the poofier the dresses, the better chance you have of winning.
6:23 Jennifer and Channing also present the award for Makeup and Hairstyling to Lisa Westcott and Julie Dartnell for Les Misérables. I'm pretty sure one of them is wearing pink leggings. At the Oscars. Classy.
6:25 Seth says, "There are a lot of beautiful women here tonight. And those who gave themselves the flu two weeks ago to get here, it paid off."
6:27 Halle Berry introduces a tribute to James Bond. I thought all the Bond men were supposed to be onstage together, but none of them were. So...um...yeah...It's just a whole montage of clips from the different Bond films.
6:31 Shirley Bassey sings "Goldfinger."
6:35 Kerry Washington and Jamie Foxx present Best Live Action Short Film.
6:36 The Oscar goes to Curfew.
6:38 They also present the award for Best Documentary Short Subject.
6:39 The Oscar goes to Inocente.
6:40 Seth says, "Our next presenter looks for teenage girls in Eastern Europe. But enough about Harvey Weinstein."
6:41 Liam Neeson introduces the next three Best Picture nominees: Argo, Lincoln, and Zero Dark Thirty.
6:45 Seth says, "Daniel Day-Lewis was not the first actor to be nominated for playing Abraham Lincoln...But I would argue that the actor that really got in Lincoln's head was John Wilkes Booth." The audience boos. "150 years and it's still too soon?"
6:46 Ben Affleck presents the award for Documentary Feature.
6:47 The Oscar goes to Searching for Sugar Man.
6:48 The winner takes too long on his speech and the orchestra plays the Jaws theme to play him off the stage.
6:51 Seth: "Seeing everyone here tonight, all dressed up...It's like church, only with more people praying."
6:52 Jennifer Garner and Jessica Chastain present Best Foreign Language Film.
6:53 The Oscar goes to Amour, also nominated for Best Picture tonight.
6:55 The Orchestra has been rehearsing and performing live all week at a studio up the street.
6:57 There is a tribute to musicals from the past decade.
Catherine Zeta-Jones sings "All that Jazz" from Chicago.
Jennifer Hudson sings "You're Gonna Love Me" from Dreamgirls.
Hugh Jackman sings "Suddenly" and Anne Hathaway sings "I Dreamed a Dream" and then the rest of the
cast of Les Mis join in a medley of songs.
7:14 Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana recap the Science and Technical Awards, which they hosted.
7:15 Seth says, "You guys made some inspiring movies this year. I made Ted."
7:16 Mark Wahlberg and Ted present. Ted is gross and I'm only half listening because I tuned him out when he said something about orgies. They are presenting the award for Sound Mixing.
7:17 The Oscar goes to Les Misérables.
7:19 Ted says something about the winner being Jewish and then asks Mark if he's Jewish since there's a "berg" in his name. Mark says he's Catholic and Ted tells him he better say he's Jewish if he ever wants to work in this town again. They also present the award for Sound Editing.
7:20 There's a TIE. The first winner is for Zero Dark Thirty. The second is for Skyfall. Both men have long, blonde hair and look alike. It's like the same guy tied himself.
7:23 Seth introduces the next presenter, the Von Trapp family! They don't appear. He tries again. The Family, Von Trapp! Still nothing. Someone runs in wearing a uniform and shouts, "They're gone!" Then Seth says, "Now that that joke's out of the way, Christopher Plummer."
7:24 Christopher Plummer presents the award for Best Supporting Actress.
7:25 The Oscar goes to Anne Hathaway for pretending the world can't see her nipples through her dress.
7:30 Bob Koch, President of the Academy comes out and says a few words. He says there was a competition for college students to make films about how they would change the world. The winners are helping pass out the Oscars tonight. He brings them out onstage.
7:35 Sandra Bullock presents the award for Film Editing.
7:36 The Oscar goes to Argo!
7:39 Jennifer Lawrence introduces Adele, who sings her song "Skyfall." She looks and sounds amazing.
7:46 Nicole Kidman introduces the final three Best Picture nominees, Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained, and Amour.
7:50 Daniel Radcliffe and Kristin Stewart present the award for Production Design. Kristin sounds bored and looks like she just rolled out of bed. So, basically she looks like herself. Poor Daniel.
7:51 The Oscar goes to Lincoln.
7:52 Selma Hayek announces who won the Governor's Awards. I'm still not really sure what those are and I didn't really pay attention to who got them. Something about doing good, I think.
8:00 George Clooney introduces the In Memoriam segment.
8:05 Barbara Streisand sings "The Way we Were."
8:10 Richard Gere, Queen Latifah, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Renee Zellweger present together. Renee looks plastered and can't even stand straight. They present Original Score.
8:14 Richard shows the card to Renee, but she can't read it, so Queen Latifah saves her by yelling out: Life of Pi! Mychael Danna's speech is heartfelt and I think he didn't expect to win, being nominated against John Williams, Alexandre Desplat and Tom Newman.
8:15 Okay, who gave Renee Zellweger an envelope? She opens it and can't read the card, so without a word she shows it to Richard Gere who announced that the Oscar for best Original Song goes to Adele!
8:18 Adele looks amazing. She really does. She is so excited to win. I love it when people are that excited. It makes it more fun to root for them.
8:25 Seth introduces the two most physically opposite Oscar winner ever: Charlize Theron and Dustin Hoffman.
8:26 They present Best Adapted Screenplay.
8:27 The Oscar goes to Chris Terrio for Argo!
8:29 And they present Best Original Screenplay to Mr. Tarantino for Django Unchained. Quentin's speech is kind of interesting because it's like he's not at all surprised to win. I don't know how I feel about him. But he's right that he knocked it out of the park with his casting.
8:30 Seth says, "Coming up, we'll present the award for Best Director. And, since we've already been here so long, we'll start the 2014 Oscars."
8:35 Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas present Best Director.
8:36 The Oscar goes to Ang Lee for Life of Pi. He says he needs to share this with all 3000 people who worked on the film and he thanks Yann Martel for writing the book.
8:44 Jean DuJardin, last year's Best Actor presents this year's Best Actress award.
8:46 To the surprise of no one, the Oscar goes to Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook. She trips over her dress going up the stairs and when she receives a standing ovation, she says, "You guys are all standing up because you feel bad that I just tripped." Her speech is sweet and normal and she doesn't say anything about beating Meryl.
8:48 Seth says, "Our next presenter needs no introduction." And then he walks off stage.
8:49 Because the next presenter, of course, is Meryl Streep.
8:51 The Oscar for Best Actor goes to Abraham Lincoln. Er...Daniel Day-Lewis. He says, "I do know I've received so much more than my share of good fortune."
8:55 Jack Nicholson presents the award for Best Picture. He talks about how they always have one person present the award alone. But not this year. This year they are going live to the White House where his co-presenter, Michelle Obama is waiting. I really don't get why. But whatever.
8:57 The winner is ARGO!!!!!
8:58 Grant Heslov speaks first and is very, very excited for this win. He talks about how great it was to work with Ben and how awesome the cast and crew were.
8:59 And then Ben gets the chance to speak. At the Oscars. And accept his award. And he talks about conversations he's had with younger actors and the importance of not being bitter. Everyone laughs, because they know what he's talking about.
9:05 Kristin Chenoweth and Seth finish out the show singing "Here's to the Losers."
And that's the show.
Overall, I thought Seth MacFarlane was a great host. And I'm not a fan of his at all. Except after tonight I sort of love him a little bit. He's irreverent and stuff, but...he was good at keeping the show moving and and entertaining. I would be happy to see him back again.
My winning streak continues. I am 12 for 12 in predicting Best Picture winners. Pretty proud of that.
Tonight I got 17 out of 24, which is exactly 70%. Just like I said. Man, I'm even good at predicting my own accuracy. I rock.
So...what did you think? Disappointments? Pleasant surprises? Just as you expected? Please share!
And be sure to check in with Misty over at Handbags and Handguns. She'll have a full rundown of ALL the Oscar fashion!
You are awesome. And if you share this post, you'll be even awesomer!