Wednesday, March 26, 2014

4 Ways to Not be a Jerk When You're Single

Sometimes, being single can really suck. Sometimes, it can be completely awesome. Most of the time, it just is what it is.

But when it seems like EVERYONE is coupling up except you, it can be easy to become kind of grumpy and feel like there is some vast conspiracy against you. Did you know that sometimes you make others around you feel grumpy too?

It's true.

Sometimes when we're single, it's easy to wallow and feel sorry for ourselves and constantly remind everyone of all the things we don't have while they're jealously looking at all the things we DO have that they don't. Like a designer bag or a killer pair of shoes or, you know, somewhere to wear them.

So today, here are four tips to help you not be a jerk when you're sick of being single.

1. Get a hobby.

Seriously, you have free time. You aren't in a relationship. Dates may be frequent or few and far between. Regardless, don't just throw all your spare time into working extra hours or sitting on the couch watching TV. Those are both good uses of time...okay, those are both not horrible uses of time, but they aren't enough to leave you feeling fulfilled. Probably. Find something you love and go do it.

I have a friend that is ridiculously talented in all things artsy. She can make jewelry that looks like it would be sold in some trendy downtown boutique. She paints and draws and sews and and and. She is so accomplished. And the thing is, she actually takes time to use those talents. She watches as much TV as I do (which is a lot), but she finds constructive things to do rather than simply sitting on the couch like a potato.

I have friends who are writers, photographers, travelers. And they go out and do those things they love.

What do I do? I go to the movies. Yes, by myself. And you know what? Not only do I not mind going alone, but I love it. Movies are my escape. I love them. I love them so much that I've turned them into a side gig and write about them for The Awards Circuit. So now I can justify my movie loving ways because I've made something productive out of it. And when there's nothing good playing? I go to Disneyland or to a baseball game or pretend to edit my novel. - I use multimillion dollar satellites to fund tupperware in the woods. What's your hobby?

2. Be polite about set-ups.

I know blind dates are usually awful. I know. Believe me. But when your friends (or your grandmother) try to set you up, it's because they care about you. They are not, in fact, trying to put you through a terrible experience. Unless they're jerks, in which case you need new grandparents. Or friends.

If there is some specific reason you don't want to be set up with someone, be polite when turning down the offer. Firm but kind. Be honest. If you're vague or if you lie, it's only going to cause more problems for you.

If there is not a specific reason besides "I don't do set-ups" then get over yourself, thank them for thinking of you and go on the freaking date. It's one night out of your life. No one is asking you to marry the person. And if they DO, well, that just leads to a hilariously awkward story to blog about later.

The bottom line is that you don't want to be single and this could just be the answer. Maybe. Maybe not. But you never know unless you put yourself out there and give it a chance. - You're only as attractive as the blind date your best friend sets you up with.

3. Quit whining. 

Guess what. Everyone knows you're single. No, it's not tattooed on your face, but it may as well be with the way you constantly bring it up. The fact is, there ARE good people out there. You just haven't found one for yourself yet. It's not the fault of the ENTIRE gender. So stop whining about being single. Accept it as fact and either do something to change it or throw back your shoulders and put your chin up and learn how to love being single. Because, honestly, it's not so bad.

I used to be like this. I used to constantly whine and even literally cry over the fact that my love life was going nowhere. My friends were too polite to tell me, but I eventually figured it out for myself. A few dozen viewings of Bridget Jones's Diary has a funny way of doing that to you. At some point, and really, it was more of a gradual thing, I started to really, truly enjoy being single.

And now I almost think I prefer it...

Don't tell my mom. She'll be crushed. - Why don't you whine a little more about it ..... We didn't really hear you the first time

4. Be friends with your married friends.

Your married friends love you. And while it can sometimes be overwhelming to spend time with a bunch of married couples when you're the lone singleton, that doesn't give you a good enough reason to stop spending time with them. They are your friends for a reason. They love you. You love them. So act like it.

This means going to parties or outings where you'll be the only single one.

It also means inviting your married friends along even if you're going out with other singles. Trust me. They want to feel like they're included. Even if they can't go because of lame married stuff, you should invite them. They will love you that much more for it.

I go out with my married girlfriends all the time. At least, I did before they all MOVED OUT OF STATE.

Ahem. Sorry. I'm still a little bitter emotional about that. - My entire goal in life is to show my friends who are not single how awesome being single is.

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  1. I'll try to keep all these tips in if only I had friends I could politely turn down for blind dates.... I get the "oh, I don't know anyone who is single..." line then I overhear them talk about how they want to set up so and so with so and so. That makes me an angry single person. lol

  2. I think I have more single friends than married friends (I'm married). I guess it depends on what group of friends you are talking about it. Sometimes when hanging out with my single friends, my husband doesn't come along because it is just us girls. Sometimes he does.

    I think a hobby is a good one!!

  3. I am single too and go to the movies by myself. I write about them on Geeked Out Nation. Film is my escape as well. Love them so much.

  4. Yes yes yes you are onto something here just because your friends are married doesn't mean they are no longer your friends.........

  5. UGH, I am so mad that everyone moved out of state, too! I think this is all great advice. And even though I am all married and knocked up and super domestic now (haha) there was a time when I was single and I hated it. So I can see this perspective. It is so lame when friends set you up with someone who is ugly or not even remotely your type. It's like... oh, that's what you think of me. Thanks. Hehe :)

  6. I love this list! I actually married a guy I was set up with... so I'm all for that.

    I love #4 (since I'm the married friend). I crave time with the girls and even though we're in totally different places, having a girlfriend date with one of my best friends (who is single) is so good for me.

  7. Great advice! There's no reason why our life can't be fulfilling just because we're single. I had to learn that the hard way. :)

  8. I agree with Rachel. Even though I'm married now, I still love my time with my single girlfriends. Relationship status has nothing to do with friendship status. :-)


"You know what they say. If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me."

~Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias

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